When I used to get bullied, my mother would often ask me this question:
Do you really care what they think?
I did... but told her no, I lied.
I can remember every insult!
Youre fat
Lose weight
Stop crying
You're stupid
Eventually, I turned all the sadness I had into anger... People would think I could keep it in, I tried. But one day, in the 4th grade, I came home from school... I was fed up... keep in mind, I was 9 years old. I went into the bathroom and cut myself... I didn't want to die... I just needed relief. I was hospitalized the next day. The kids at school made fun of me.
I was diagnosed with depression, and a conduct disorder.
Ever since I was young, I hade this sort of darkness in me. It cause me to blackout during the years... I would wake up and see someone crying, ask them what happened, and they would tell me that I had hit them, kicked them, yelled at them, and more...
I denied it... I couldn't remember doing it.
Now I'm here, on meds... I'm scared of myself sometimes... I haven't blacked out in a good two years now, I just called it off with my therapist a few weeks ago... I can feel it creeping up on me... it's waiting for me to get mad. It's waiting until I'm old enough to do something bad...
My therapist would often ask me why I turned my sadness into anger. I would tell her sadness is weakness... it still is in my mind.
Now, ever since about 3 months ago, they've changed me back to this mouch of sadness. It's annoying. I cry almost every night, at least twice a day. Heck, I'm crying right now. Why? Because my aunt raised her voice slightly. I'm such a baby... a fucking wimp...
So, mom, to awnser you're question,
Yes
I do care what they think.
