Agent Alaska: Blood Gulch Chronicles

"The Nesting Theory"

Tucker: "What's wrong with you?"

Church: "Nothing."

Tucker: "Still thinking about Alpha and Tex dating?"

Church: "No..."

Tucker: "Okay, Well, go out there and tell them to stop."

Church: "Yeah sure, I'll get right on that."

Sister: "Uh, aren't you like, the leader or something?"

Church: "Uh- yes Sister, I am the leader, which is why I am officially appointing you, our Field Negotiator."

Sister: "Awesome!"

Church: "Yes, congratulations we're all very proud of you. Your first job is to get the freelancers and alien to stop firing at us."

Sister: "Cool."

Sister stands up in to the line of fire

Sister: "Hey, Stop shooting you stupid bitches!"

Tucker: "Nice negotiating."

Church: "They're not firing. I think that actually worked. Maybe they're outta ammo. Let me check."

Church stands up and is immediately shot in the head, leaving a standing ghost and ugly body behind

Church: "Nope, they still has ammo."

Tucker: "Nice recon work."

Church: "I'm gonna go get my body back."

Tucker: "Yeah, good idea."

Cut to the inside of the cavern, as Grif falls screaming to the ground and lands on the front of his face

Simmons: (landing gracefully behind him) "Tada!"

Grif: (standing up) "Ugh, you didn't have to push."

Simmons: "Yeah I didn't have to, but it sure was fun. I got a cool screenshot from my visor of you flailing too. Guess who has a new desktop wallpaper... This guy!"

Back to the Blues courageously behind their base

Church: "Hey Tucker, is my body on straight?"

Tucker: "Dude I don't even know what that means."

Tex: "Freeze! Nobody move."

Alpha and Aur'an arrive next to her, their guns pointing at blue team.

Tucker: "We're already not moving. You could have just said "everyone keep doing what you're not doing."."

Tex: "Shut up!"

Tucker: "Whatever."

Church: "Tex, what is your problem?"

Alpha: "Our problem is that O'Malley isn't in Doc any more. He's jumped in to somebody new, and we're not trustin' anybody until we find out who."

Church: "Yeah, we already know all that. We're on top of the situation."

Tex: "You are? Then who did O'Malley jump in to?"

Church: "Oh. Yeah I meant, I meant we were on top of everything right up until that point."

Tex: "Typical."

Sister: "Who's O'Malley?"

Tucker: "Eah, it's just some computer program that wants to destroy the Universe. He infects people around here from time to time, but neh, it's no big deal."

Sister: "Sounds scary."

Tucker: "Naw, it's all good baby, I'll protect you."

Sister: "Hyeah, that's what the last guy said, and now I can't stop scratchin'."

Tucker: "Okay, never mind."

Church: "None of us are infected Tex, but I am a little worried about the tank. She's been actin' really weird lately. Can an A.I. implant in a ... Tex?"

Tex/Alpha: "Who's the girl?"

Church: "What? Who Sister? Oh she's just a new recruit."

Tex: "You mean to tell me I'm only gone a few weeks, and you guys get yourselves a new girl?"

Alpha: "Good luck, Church."

Church: "Oh. Um..."

Tucker: "Whoa. Tread lightly dude, tread lightly."

Caboose: "You know, I wasn't actually scared, until right, just, now."

Church: "Also, that reminds me...Alpha, we need to talk."