she was different.
her blue eyes. her dimpled cheeks. her green and black hair. her tattoos, her nose piercing that glistened in the light. she didn't smile often, but when she did, it was mostly around me. she protected me, she understood me, she l...
Ops! Esta imagem não segue as nossas directrizes de conteúdo. Para continuares a publicar, por favor, remova-a ou carrega uma imagem diferente.
| |
k a y l a n i
i suffer from depression.
depression isn't easy. i can look so happy. i can smile, laugh, but deep down, i'm broken. i can be so happy one minute, but when i'm alone, i break down. i cry. i don't wanna be here anymore, i can't live anymore.
when i'm with billie it's different. she makes me forget how broken and damaged i actually am and i'm so happy around her. she's brought me so many happiness.
i don't know what sexuality i am, honestly, but the only girl i can actually have feelings for and i can date, will only be billie o'connell. i find female characters on tv shows and movies attractive. i find juliana's mom attractive, which is kind of weird .. but, i wouldn't date any other female other than billie.
this year was my happiest year. 2019 was the worst year of my life, and here i am in 2020. this year isn't the best. billie and i broke up, i almost committed suicide, nathaniel got away with sexually assaulting me and his friend threatened me.
but i'm totally okay. totally. that didn't effect me, totally didn't. therapy kind of helped me. i didn't like talking to a stranger but I GUESS talking to a therapist works.
i'm still fucking depressed, damaged, broken. i'm just such a pathetic ass fucking person. who cries about getting sexually assaulted and didn't actually get raped? i mean i asked for it right? the dress i was wearing told him that's what i wanted right? i wanted to get touched. i wanted to lose my virginity right there and then. i totally wanted it.
today billie and i made 10 months. she was gonna pick me up and take me out on a date. she does that for every month we make an anniversary and i find it cute.
she was totally different. she was intimidating, yes. tall, tattoos and piercings, but deep down, she's a soft, caring person. her parents broke her. her parents ruined her soft side, but she wasn't scared to show it towards me. we cried together, was happy together, talked for hours about our feelings and i wouldn't take any of that back.
i'm in love with her. i love her, she loves me. i want to get married to her. i want to have children with her. i wanna buy a house with her, a family car with her. i want little billie's running around. is it stupid for me to say that when i'm only 17 and she's 18? i don't care, i love this woman.
nathaniel cared about sex 24/7. he loved rough kisses, like to touch me sexually a lot, even if i would push his hands away. he liked being aggressive with me. i didn't like aggression. i liked softness. and that's exactly what billie gave me. she didn't care about sex. we didn't have a lot of sex in the 10 months we dated. she loved kissing me softly. she grabbed my face between her hands so soft like i was so fragile and kissed me with so much softness. she liked massaging my hair, holding my hands and kissing them, kissing my forehead, reminding me how beautiful i was and she took random pictures of me. she listened to me, she communicated with me. i wasn't afraid to tell her what i didn't like, what she should work on and it was vise versa.
