Spellbound

prologue.

When I was young, I have always dreamed of having a healthy and loving relationship like my parents have. In front of me, they were always smiling, happy, cuddling each other. Hindi sila nag-aaway sa harapan ko. And they always make time for each other, and I thought to myself, that's what love looks like, and that's how I want my relationship to look like.

No fears. No doubts. Nothing in-between.

Saturday morning, at exactly 7am, I found myself packing my stuff, trying to fit the four years of my life into one suitcase. Pigil ang hininga ko habang nag-iimpake, I don't even know where to start. My clothes are scattered on the floor such as my university shirts, underwear, jackets, accessories. I don't even remember myself buying these much clothes, somehow, during those years I felt like wala akong masuot na bago.

I tried to kept quiet. I was on the verge of tears but I kept looking up and biting my lower lip, as if it will help me keep my tears away, I am close to breaking down but I managed.

"Ready ka na?" I nodded.

"Thank you for this, Chase." He smiled. Kinuha niya yung maleta ko para ibaba at maisakay sa sasakyan. I took this last minute to bid my good bye to my apartment for four years. I'm sentimental when it comes to these things, I almost value everything, kung pwede ko nga lang gawing keychain yung buong apartment so I can carry it with me, everywhere I go, gagawin ko, pero hindi pwede. Hindi laging pwede.

So, this good bye is all I have.

Pagkababa ko ng apartment ay kaagad din akong sumakay sa shotgun seat ng sasakyan ni Chase. "Don't forget your seatbelt." he said. 

"Alam ba nilang uuwi ka na?" he asked.

"Yup, nasabi ko na. Thank you sa paghatid." he mumbled something pero nawala yung focus ko don. I was busy admiring the view, the streets of Mendiola, and Sta. Mesa, Manila. Parang dati lang, estudyante pa ako, who has literally no dreams, I was just going with the flow, making friends, joining a bunch of organizations, juggling my time as I discover new hobbies I can allot myself to, keeping myself as busy as I can, and now, I am finally adulting.

Chase volunteered to drive me home to Tagaytay. My family lives there.

"Kailan ang flight mo?" I asked.

"Tomorrow night." I looked at him. After four years, nahihirapan pa din akong basahin ang mga mata niya. He was always good at pretending. He would smile, laugh, and joke around with me, not knowing that he's dying inside. Right now, his eyes looks alright, he feels alright... he's calm. And for that, I guess I'm thankful.

"Have a safe flight, Chase." Pinisil niya yung left hand kong nasa binti ko during the stop light.

Pagkarating sa subdivision, inutusan ko lang siyang mag park nalang sa may kanto namin. I'm just avoiding the questions and speculations na pwedeng ibato sa aming dalawa, kaya mas okay nang ako nalang ang haharap sa parents ko, he eventually agreed. Almost lunch time na din nang makarating kami kaya medyo tirik na din yung araw kahit pa sabihin na medyo malamig dito sa Tagaytay. 

"Ingat ka, Luna." he was standing next to his car, a silver sedan, with his hands on both his pockets, smiling shyly. I can't help but to only stare at his eyes, hoping for a little bit of despair, hoping that he's also in pain in this goodbye, pero hindi ko maramdaman.

Ngumiti nalang ako pabalik.

I started dragging my luggage pabalik sa bahay, holding onto my necklace that he once gave me. It's a small wave, representing our carelessness when we were young, going with the flow, riding the wave-- but now, it's just a symbol of our love drifting away.