Adam And Becky Degrassi: His Holy Touch

His holy touch

I was getting out of youth group, Todd drove me back to my parents while Newsboys blasted over the radio. Then, as I finally got to the apartment, my phone starts ringing. The contact says Adam Torres. I sent him a text wanting to talk about our breakup a few days ago and he hasn't responded yet. Finally. I bring the phone to my ear. "Well, it's about time you picked up, Torres!" I teased. "I didnt think you-"

"Becky....? Is this Becky Baker?" Spoke a woman's voice. It sounds like Audra, but, somethint doesn't sound right. 

"Mrs. Torres? Um, are you alright?"

"It's.....it's Adam........"

"Is he there? Can you put him on? I really need to talk with-"

"I'm sorry.....I'm so sorry...... Adam......(cries).....He's dead......"

These words. It takes me a few moments to process them, and, I'm completely frozen outside. "What...? No......No, you're lying to me."

"He was in a crash. They tried to save bim, but he's gone.......!"

"No! No he's not dead!! He's not!!" I hang up, and immediately start prayint to myself. This has to some sort of prank. But then, I get a text message, and it has 3 pictures. The first picture is the crashed van. The second is Adam in the hospital bed, he looks awful. The third picture.....is his family standing over him with flatlines. "No......! No please, no!! Oh my god!!" In a fit of rage I smash my phone against the wall and just fall onto the ground sobbing uncontrollably. How can this be......?

It's been several months since my first boyfriend, Adam Torres, lost his life in a devastating car crash. This is, one of those nights where I find myself just, crying in my bedroom in the middle of the night, after having all of these memories of us together either in my dreams or flashing back when I'm trying to fall asleep. It's heartbreaking. It wasn't that long ago where I believed he was my enemy, that he was a temptation that would pull me away from God due to what he was doing, and, in the end, he became everything i had ever desired out of a boyfriend. Someone who, despite who I am as a person, believed that, I was, "perfect."

How could that be possible? After both of the times we were apart, and my reasonings, how could someone like him possibly see me as this perfect girl. He loved me in a way I had only dreamed about, and, I never even got to tell him how much I loved him before he was gone. Why didn't I tell him sooner? Why did I push him away? Why did I let all of these things stop me from being with someone who loved me that much?

Ever since Drew discovered Adam's phone in the wreckage, and showed me what his last words were about to be, that he loves me, its left a scar in my soul that I've never been able to recover from, that I was his last thoughts while his eyes were still open. That alone has caused me to cry more nights than I can count, and it never gets easier. Maybe if I had said it back sooner, maybe if I didn't overreact to his hacking and just listen to him the way he would listen to me, then maybe his arms would still be holding me.

I can't even talk to my parents about it. They refused to go to his funeral because they still believed he was an abomination. I know where they believe he is, surely my brother believes it too. But no, not me. Even if his sin was real, even if he was what they claimed, someone as kind and caring as him could NEVER be in Hell. Even if he wasn't Christian like me, he was one of the most Christ-like men I've ever met, the way he got along with Everyone and was always there to help and show love to others. To me, he was an angel, and if Heaven is real and I don't see him there, then my faith is not worth it. As much as I love God, I just want to see his face, robed in the glory of Christ with Angel wings.

Tonight, I feel like this is the most I've cried. I've recalled every single memory I can think of. Our first time meeting at That party, volunteering at the mall, our first kiss, working on the play with him, standing up to my father beside him, everything. I've never felt my eyes more wet in my life, and I find myself mumbling and whispering to myself, "I love you Adam....." over and over again, wishing how much I got to say it to his face at least once before he died. They hurt so much, and I've got to go to school tomorrow, but now its gotten so torturous, walking the walls, seeing all of the faces of people Adam was close with, and Drew, knowing that the love of his life is there, but he's not. They try to reassure me that its not my fault, but deep down, I cant stop thinking that it IS. Now there are nights where, u just want to fall asleep and never wake up again.