Margaux
The entire day, naging maingat ako. Not to do anything private in case na he is back in my mind again. Especially, i tried not to think about, what I am not thinking about. Para safe in case he is listening.
I normally write in my journals, pero I didn't write today. Because, Eliott.
Ng maligo ako, I did my best, at first. Not to look at my own body. But it's hard. So pinatay ko ang ilaw sa banyo at saka nagshower.
Wala namang bakas na nasa isip ko sya. Pero di ko pa rin alam.
Natulog ako ng payapa noong gabing iyon.
Kinabukasan, habang nagreready ako for school, I heard his voice. Again.
Gar, nasaan si Vel.
Mukhang on the way to school na sya. Kasama nya si Gar.
Nasa bahay. Ayaw pumasok, may sakit.
Vel is traumatized. Dahil sa pinagsasabi ni Eliott, at sa naging initial reaction nya, siya na ang usapusapan sa campus. Ang studyanteng pumatol sa teacher for good grades. Yung iba sabi, pinilit sya ni sir. Kwarto o Kwatro. All that.
Nabasa ko sa facebook. Number 1 reason kung bakit ayoko ng facebook. Toxic.
May sakit sya?
Nakiusap sya sa akin na wag kong sabihin kela mama. Pero sinabi ko. Ayun, grounded sya, confiscated ang phone at ang laptop. Nakukonsensya talaga ako.
Makonsensya ka dapat. Instead na isumbong ang kapatid mo, dapat kinausap mo sya. Ask her what is the problem. What she feels? Kasi wala kang karapatang manghusga.
Tama ang ginawa mo tol. Oo, harsh, pero ginawa mo yun para sa ikabubuti ni Vel. She is lucky na may kapatid syang lalaki, na magtatanggol sa kanya.
Lucky? Na may kapatid syang lalaki? Na may magtatanggol sa kanya? You mysoginistic, sexist bastard.
Narinig ko yun.
He didn't speak, but thought about it.
You heard right. You are mysoginistic, sexist..
Let's talk later.
Dominant..
Ayoko nga.
Ayaw mo lang kasi naalala mo pa yung nakita mo kagabi. Hindi kita masisisi..
Narcissistic, selfish bastard.
I'll see you after class.
This is why women are oppressed.
Talaga lang ah. Siguraduhin mong mananalo ka sa debate natin mamaya.
I hate debates.
Jokes on you.
Nasa isip ko pa rin si Eliott. Pinilit kong itune out ang usapan nila ni Gar. Parang background noise. Yung malakas na tv ng kapitbahay mo na ayaw mong pakinggan.
Mula sa bahay hanggang school, i still have an access to his mind. Wow, ang haba nito.
Noong dumating ako sa school, iniwasan ko ang mga daan na nilalakaran nya. Ayokong makita sya face to face. Matapos ang invasive mind talk namin kahapon.
Pero kahit anong iwas ko, di ko pa rin sya maiwasan. Kasi kahit nakikita ko kung nasaan sya at umiiwas ako, nakikita nya rin kung nasaan ako. At sinusundan nya ako.
"There you are Margaux." Masinsinang usapan tayo kung bakit mo pinagtatakpan ang child predator na yun at kung ano ba ang nararapat kay Vel.
"Eliott." It's weird staring at his face, and staring at myself. At the same time.
I hate this. Why are you like this.
Because that is what I am. I want what is right. I rescue people from predators like our teacher.
Oh. Aren't you the hero. Ayan, ramdamin mo ang sarcasm ko.
A matter of fact, I am looking for the girl assaulted during the acquaintance party. I don't care kung may kapangyarihan sila. Abuse of power, will not be done while I am in charge.
I tried my best not to react to what he said. Or to put my thoughts into words. And that is hard.
Bigla akong lumapit sa kanya, linking our arms together.
"Tara na sa klase."
Dulling out the thoughts, by actual spoken words.
