Kiwis | Harry Styles

Thirty - Five

"You and Dad are pretty solid, right? Like he's your soulmate or whatever, but how do you know? It must have taken a long time because you guys broke up. You never told me about that, you said you would. Did Dad break up with you or did you break up with him? Why did you guys break up? How did you get back together?" Robin's brow crinkles as I can see more and more questions forming in her head.

"Sweetheart?" I squeeze her hand in mine and wait for her to look at me, once she does I continue to speak, "is everything okay? Is this because me and your Dad had that fight a few weeks ago? I know I shouldn't have stormed out and I promise I won't ever do that again, okay?"

"No," she shakes her head. "That's not it. I wanna know about you and Dad, why did you break up?"

"I broke up with him," I whisper the words. This is a subject I had hoped I wouldn't have to discuss with my kids. I'm not proud of how I behaved, and I didn't want them to judge me for being so stupid.

"Why? Was Dad different from he is now? Did he do something you didn't like?"

"Oh, gosh! No. Your Dad has always been an absolute gentleman, the most wonderful man I know."

"So why?" She looks at me with narrowed eyes and I pull her closer as I continue my story.

"I got scared, Robin. You know how your brother gets when he's in a crowd of people or when the paps surround him?" Her head rubs against my arm as she nods it up and down. "Well, that was me. Still is me, only I've learned some skills to handle it better. I still go to therapy Andreea too sometimes."

"Wow, how come you didn't tell us?"

"I'm not sure, I guess I didn't want to project my fears onto you guys. Your brother knows. We went to his first meeting with Andreea together. Anyway, at the time - with your Dad it was just awful. They followed us everywhere, and I didn't know how to handle it, so I left," I sigh. It feels like such a stupid decision now, but at the time I thought it was my only option. That or go crazy.

"And Dad, just let you? Doesn't sound like him. I'd have imagined he'd chain you to the house before he let that happen." Her nervous little giggle doesn't disguise the disappointment I can hear in her voice, and that makes me sad.

"Don't be mad at him, sweetheart." I squish her cheeks with my hands and tilt her head up to look at me. "I'd made up my mind. There was no changing it." I press a kiss to her forehead and then pull her into a tight hug because I don't want her to be mad at me either.

"That's really sad."

"Yeah. It was sad, but it all worked out in the end, right?" I hold her closer.

"I guess. Did you date other people? How did you get back together? Did you fall back in love?"

"Yes, we both dated other people. I realised life was too short to spend it making myself miserable and I can honestly say I never stopped loving your Dad. Not even for a second."

"But weren't you still scared?" Her body curves into my side as she hugs her arms round mine.

"Yeah. But your Uncle Jeffrey found me the right people to help,, so I could learn - or understand how to be comfortable with the fact that the paparazzi will be interested in taking my picture because I'm your Dad's girlfriend or wife. And by the time we got back together I was ready to do whatever it took because he is my everything, my person, my soulmate, whatever you want to call it, he's it for me." I can feel tears bubbling up in my eyes, so I press a kiss to the top of my daughter's head. My first born.

"What were the ones you dated like?" She whispers. Her fingers move to play with the jewellery on my ring finger.

"I only dated one guy, the other was just a huge mistake - I mean I should never have dated Doug either but -"