Agent Alaska: Blood Gulch Chronicles

Season 1: "Why Are We Here?"

Two soldiers are seen on top of a base, one clad in maroon armor, Dick Simmons, the other in orange, Dexter Grif.

Simmons: "Hey."

Grif: "Yeah?"

Simmons: "You ever wonder why we're here?"

Grif: "It's one of life's great mysteries isn't it? Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God watching everything? You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know, man, but it keeps me up at night."

They both stare at each other in silence.

Simmons: " ...What?! I mean why are we out here, in this canyon?"

Grif: "Oh. Uh... yeah."

Simmons: "What was all that stuff about God?"

Grif: "Uh...hm? Nothing."

Simmons: "You wanna talk about it?"

Grif: "No."

Simmons: "You sure?"

Grif: "Yeah."

Simmons: "Seriously though, why are we out here? As far as I can tell, it's just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. No way in or out."

Grif: "Mm-hmm."

Simmons: "The only reason that we set up a Red Base here, is because they have a Blue Base over there. And the only reason they have a Blue Base over there, is because we have a Red Base here."

Grif: "Yeah. That's because we're fighting each other."

Simmons: "No, no. But I mean, even if we were to pull out today, and if they would come take our base, they would have two bases in the middle of a box canyon. Whoopdee-fucking-doo."

Grif: "What's up with that anyway? I mean, I signed on to fight some aliens. Next thing I know, Master Chief blows up the whole Covenant armada and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, fighting a bunch of blue guys."

Two soldiers are watching Grif and Simmons from atop a cliff, one wielding a sniper rifle and in cobalt armor, Leonard Church, and the other standing behind him in aqua armor, Lavernius Tucker.

Tucker: "What're they doing?"

Church slowly turns around to face Tucker, lowering his rifle.

Church: "What?"

Tucker: "I said, "What are they doing now?"."

Church: "God damn, I'm getting so sick of answering that question!"

Tucker: "You have the fucking rifle, I can't see shit. Don't bitch at me because I'm not going to just sit up here and play with my dick."

Church: "Okay, okay, look... they're just standing there and talking, okay? That's all they're doing. That's all they ever do, is just stand there and talk. That's what they were doing last week, that's what they were doing when you asked me five minutes ago. So, five minutes from now, when you ask me, "What are they doing?" my answer's gonna be, "They're still just talking, and they're still just standing there!"."

Both fall silent.

Tucker: "...What're they talking about?"

Church: "...You know what? I fucking hate you."

Tucker: "Whatever, you're full of shit anyways."

There was a silence between them again, before Tucker started to speak again.

Tucker: "Command said we're going to get a new person here."

Church: "What? When, what, why?"

Tucker: "I dunno, but they said they're coming in a few. Probably right now."

Church: "Wait they called you earlier? Why didn't you tell me then?!"

Tucker: "I did and cause you're an asshole, dickhead."

Church growls at Tucker, but they saw a pelican flying over them, signaling the new blue trooper.

Tucker: "Ah, crap."

Time skip to both Church and Tucker in front of the pelican waiting for the new rookie of blue team.

Tucker: "What if the person is a girl?"

Church: "...Tucker, shut the fuck up."

Tucker: "Sheesh, you don't need to be such an a-"

The pelican opens, revealing a soldier in blue and white accents, carrying an SMG.

Tucker: "Yeah, definitely not a girl."

Church ignores the aqua as he walks closer to the person, putting his sniper rifle up to his face.

Church: "Alright, who are you."

The soldier glances at the cobalt soldier, before answering.

Alpha: "The names Alpha, now put the fucking gun down or I'll put you down."

Church seems threatened by the new soldier as he lowers his gun.

Tucker: "HAH, GET TALKED DOWN BY A ROOKIE."

Church growls as he turns around and attempts to shoot Tucker by the foot, but missing...by several feet.

Tucker: "..."

Church: "..."

Alpha: "...what the fuck?"

Back to Grif and Simmons.

Grif: "Talk about a waste of resources. I mean, we should be out there finding new and intelligent forms of life... you know, fight them."

Simmons: "Yeah, no shit. That's why they should put us in charge."

A soldier in red armor, Sarge, is seen looking up at Simmons and Grif.

Sarge: "Ladies, front and center on the double!"

Simmons: "Fuck."

Grif: "Yes, sir!"