Miranda [Watty Awards 2013]

Chapter 13

I was halfway home and in hysterics before Jack said anything.

            Lacy had been silent once I'd given her a toy while at a stop sign, and Jack stared out the window instead of at me. My skin was crawling the entire time, fingers tapping on the steering wheel incessantly, the thought of Charlie's skin under my nails too much.

            The realization of how badly I'd messed up was only now beginning to dawn on me. What the hell had I been thinking, saying all of that to Charlie? I should've gotten out of there when I had the chance! Now all my recon was out the window, and I had the burden of keeping an eye out for a hit man on my shoulders. Like I needed more to carry.

            And not to mention Jack. I had thrown the whole kiss thing out of my mind when Grim had told me to, intent on working on the job, but now that that was gone too, I couldn't stop thinking about it. That, and how awkward it was that he was sitting next to me, having witnessed my attack on Charlie and having said nothing so far. Not about hearing Brady's name, about my being in his neighbourhood, about the child in my back seat. Nothing.

            Which was just about as nerve-racking as if he said everything.

            And you'll have to explain your 'job' to him too, the annoying part of my brain chirped. Since he heard some of that.

            And Grim. Oh, Grim.

            Without Grim, I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what to do, what to say, what to think. He'd taught me everything I knew today, and I doubt he even did that right. What was I supposed to do now, without anyone to explain my crazy existence to me?

            Who was going to teach me about the world no one else could see?

            Who was going to keep the monsters away?

            With barely a warning, I broke out into tears while I was driving, running the only stop light that I passed. I saw Jack tense up out of the corner of my eye as a car almost collided with us, but I didn't slow down.

            I angrily tried to wipe the tears off my cheeks with a free hand, but they kept coming. I didn't even know why I was crying, since I was surprising calm about my situation. Maybe it was my subconscious trying to get something through to me. But what?

            Who was going to help me now?

            I'd been sitting in silence long enough that I'd almost forgotten who was in the car with me. My now-daughter and maybe-friend/maybe-even-boyfriend. But no, I wasn't going to get ahead of myself. Jack was a wild card, his face expressionless.

            "I was looking for you last night," he said quietly, and I almost didn't hear him. But when I did, I was surprised that he'd talked.

            "W-what?" I asked, unnerved by the vulnerability in my voice.

            He stared at his hands, folded in his lap. "I couldn't sleep. So I tried to find you, but I didn't know where to go. You didn't seem to be anywhere."

            I choked a little and pressed my lips together. "What-what time was that?"

            "Not sure, exactly." He shrugged one shoulder. "Around three?"

            Around the time of the murders.

            Around the time Grim shut me out of his life forever.