She feels sad and irritated and also anger. Why is she feeling like this? She knew the answer for that. With all the care and attention Jongin gives, she likes him. She has a crush on Jongin. She tried to deny it but her heart won't listen to her. She noticed that everytime she bumped or even looked at Jongin, her heart race and she feels butterflies in her stomach. She feels shy around him too. When their eyes meet, she will blush and turned away. She can't look into his eyes.
During June, she and Jongin didn't talk anymore. No sarcastic comment, no good morning and good night texts. Even during short holidays, they chatted but nowdays, their routine is not a routine anymore. She kept thinking about him and she often sighed. Her bestfriends knew about this. They knew that Ae Na is falling too deeply for Jongin. They can't help her.
News spread fast. She heard about Jongin liking a junior. Her heart broke. She felt like a huge stone just knocked her down. At first, she didn't believed it. When his friends told her, she felt blanked. Everythin makes sense now. Jongin is avoiding her because he likes someone. She felt stupid. She felt like she was a fool for liking someone who likes someone else. She is depressed. She is helpless. She is confused. Most of all, she is heartbroken.
Days passed, she felt like a zombie and her cheeks bone ached. She's been smiling and laughing, prentending that everything's okay. Her friends are worried. But they kept quite. She is broken from the inside just because of a boy. The pain that she felt is much more worse than the pain of the break up.
Everything seems normal for her now. The pain feels numb for her. When she sees Jongin walking and goofing around with his group of friends, she feels like she's going to break down and cry. But, she just smile and looked away. Eversince the news spread, she didn't even cry....yet. She is holding back everything. Every single misery that she is suffering, she didn't show it. She doesn't want her friends to be worried about her. It's her mistake after all right? So she needs to face the consequences.
With exams coming up, she was busy like hell. She is preoccupied with the assigntments and classes. But at the end of the day, she will always find herself, thinking about him before she sleeps. She missed him so much eventhough they will eventually meet every single day. A glance of him smiling is enough for her eventhough that his smile is not for her.
It was a holiday. She is having her bad days. Her laptop is on her lap and she is scrolling the timeline. Jongin's online. Their routine is long gone and she is used to it. Her heart feels like suffocating because of him. She needs to tell him, to let him know that she likes him. It's a huge burden. Without her realizing, she is typing a message to him saying that she likes him. She clicked the send button. After a few minutes, there's a reply from him. She read it and she feels like she can hear her heart smashed into pieces.
"We can always be brother and sister,"
That's it? That's the reply? Her heart hurt but she smiles. She falls into the false hope.
After the confession, everything's back to normal. Nothing. Yes, nothing. She felt like she was beong fooled by him. She is mad at him but she is more mad at her own self. She felt betrayed, anger, sadness and dissapointed. She is confused with her own feelings. Her heart ached but she doesn't want to let go of him. Her heart is so stubborn. Just like her. Even with this bullshit, she continued with her life. Smiling and laughing eventhough at the end of the day, she will always thinks about him.
After the major exam and the annual dinner, it's school holidays. She felt happy but sad at the same time. It is her last year at the school. She cried that day. With all the hugs and jokes, they bid goodbye to each other. They will meet each other again next year to take their result and for graduation day.
During holidays, she spent time with her family and also some friends. It was fun and refreshing. But, her mind won't stop thinking about him. She just can't. She even told him how she feels and whether Jongin wants to continue their friendship or not. A part of her still doesn't want to let him go. A part of her hope that he will let her go. He said he wants to continue. She felt despair. She feels angry but at the same time she feels like she is being a fool. She is suffering like hell now. He just makes things much more worse than it is. So, she decided to ignore him. She is trying to move on.
One fine day, she heard from his friend, Kyungsoo that the girl rejected Jongin because she likes someone else. She felt sad for him. She reads his tweets. It's about love and such. Now, Jongin knows how Ae Na feels.
In the end, Ae Na and Jongin is no different from each other. They are both heartbroken. Both of them suffers the same thing.
Ae Na wants to tell him that she will always be his little kiddo. She will be there for him, always. But she kept her mouth shut, her feelings shut. She just wanted to watch from a far and comes into rescue when he really needs help.
They parted ways. They didn't talk to each other anymore. But deep in their hearts, they know their bond is not broken. It is just left hanging, waiting for it to reattached back.
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Hello, readers!
I know this is a heartbreaking story and I hope you guys will feel what Ae Na feels in this story. I might write a continuation on this story. I won't leave it hanging, okay?
So, let me just say, this happens in my life and I just want you guys to feel what I feel. So yeah, I hope you enjoy reading it! It is my first one shot. I know I have to continue writing my two other fanfics but my head is jammed. Haha, please be patient with me, lovelies :)
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xoxo,
AN <3
Heartbroken
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