Six Records of A Floating Life 浮生六记

Six Records of A Floating Life, 5

【1】

The first time I had close contact with my husband was in Spring, 2000.

It was the latter half of the freshman year; it was someone's birthday. There were eight of us, we had two crates of beer. The lights were off, candles were lit, we drank beer and chatted. 03:00 AM, everyone was drunk, and returned to their beds.

Taking advantage of Dutch courage, I climbed into my husband's mosquito net, I put my hand gently on his shoulder, a feeling of peacefulness came from the skin underneath my hand.

I slept really well that night.

【2】

From that time onward, my husband started avoiding me.

Normally we would fool around, hugging here and there under our status as classmates. If we had to take another step forward, neither of us dared. We both understood, if we moved one step forward, we would not be the same as before and we could never turn back.

Our relationship stuck in an awkward but glued state. But that foreign feeling came so violently that it was almost irresistible. I longed for it but also desperately wanted to reject it, I tried to stay away from him. I left the dormitory early, slept in the classroom at noon, went back to the dormitory 10 minutes before the lights were out, I made new friends, laughed and acted foolishly with them, I wanted to rent a room and live by myself but I could not do so due to university rules.

After a few months, I was exhausted.

And that was when I met my first girlfriend.

【3】

She was from the same major, but in a different class, we had a lot of classes together, so we had a lot of opportunities to see each other. She was pretty, tall, big eyes and tanned.

I purposely lost a bet with my classmate, betting whether I could get a date with her.

I gave her four options: A, very willing; B, Ok; C, I have nothing better to do anyway; D, I don't want to go.

She chose A.

18:30 PM, by the small football field, we rushed for the 19:00 PM movie.

【4】

I felt conflicted, I wished that my action to date a girl would make my husband jealous, but I also wanted to turn my attention elsewhere and go back to a normal life.

I had forgotten, I had forgotten everything.

I forgot how I was feeling that day, I forgot what coloured clothes she was wearing, and I forgot what the movie was about.

I only remembered sitting in the dark, every second was difficult, I restrained the urge to escape, and tried to talk with her.

Upon returning to the dormitory, my husband was swiping the floor, he asked: "You're done flirting?"

I hated how he was being indifferent about it.

【5】

I went out with her a few times.

We never held hands or kissed.

At night, we ran to the main campus, waiting for thousands of lights to go off. We would also go to the Banyue pool after self-study to steal two large lotus leaves and put it on our heads.

When we had class together, I would change the physics textbook content to Liaoning dialect, and ask her to use Cantonese dialect to read it out. My classmate said: "You two don't look like you're dating, instead it looks like you're two kids playing house."

【6】

There was still half a month left, our first year was coming to an end.

After the lights were out, I called her, and we talked about useless things as usual.

We said "bye", I put down the telephone and climbed onto my bed.

The dormitory was silent, at around 01:00 AM, my husband suddenly sat up and lit a cigarette.

Through the mosquito net, I looked at his silhouette and his lit cigarette, and tears came out, I did not dare to make a sound, only sobbed, I felt wronged and heart broken.

Next day, I broke up with her.

【7】

Starting sophomore year, we no longer had classes together, our opportunities to meet became less, we would occasionally see each other in the cafeteria, chat a bit, yet that "I'm sorry" I had in my heart never made it out.

She often changed boyfriends, classmates said it was because she suffered my stimulation. I was afraid that might be the case, but I also could not help but laugh at myself for flattering myself.

Just before we graduated, I met her again. She had already secured a job in Guangdong. I helped her set up a stall to sell her old items, packed her things as if to make up for what I had done before.

My husband said there were unresolved feelings, I glared at him, thinking, it was all because of you.

Also, he only began to feel jealous after three years, it took too long, I did not want to wait anymore.