protect your head and maybe your heart too

trama

If I (we) ever forget all my (our) memories, I hope the trauma leaves too.

Because my dude, I am fucked up.

I remember a time when we thought a blue chick was dead. Then on our next mission when I was literally cornered by her and trench coat, all I could say into the mice was 'dead girl walking' and hope the others understood. It's ironic, cuz now I'm technically the dead girl walking.

Rip Janis Sarkisian.

Anyway.

When I hear a loud bang, I go into agent mode. When somebody says something even remotely close to an old code, I freak out.

It's not even just me. Damian makes sure to say goodbye and I love you every time, because we never know when it's our last time parting.

Karen is so used to texting secret codes through emojis she does it normally now. Even though we're no longer under the risks of our messages being hacked and plans getting leaked.

A lot of people think Gretchen is just a creepy observant, but in our old line of work, that's how you need to be. Take in everyone's face in the room because you never know who the bad guy is.

But hey, I'm still clinging to my dream of being an artist. And the most trauma makes the best works.

Today felt off before I even looked at the calendar. It was a Saturday and raining.

Don't get me wrong, I love the rain.

But this was the relentless downpour that made you fear losing power.

When I woke up, Van wasn't by my side. It was November and getting cooler, Van was always by my side.

Another thing wrong was the fact that I woke up naturally at seven am.

My alarm goes off at nine on Saturdays, and even then Damian is in my room shoving me out of bed at ten.

I stagger down stairs, feeling unusually glum.

"Hey, hon. You're up early." Damian is on the sofa drinking coffee and watching something on the tv. He pauses the show when he sees me walk in. "Something up?"

I just sit on the sofa with him. Normally we sit right next to each other with Damian's arm around my shoulder, but this time I sat at the opposite end, not feeling very touchy today yet.

Damian picks up on this and sits up straighter. "You okay?"

"Everything feels wrong today. Like I should be remembering something but I can't."

Damian sighs. "I get it. Maybe it's because today marks our one year anniversary of living here?"

"Oh my god!" I bolt up. "We missed our one year marriage anniversary!"

Damian laughs. "Is that what you took from what I said?"

"The initial thought, yes." I say as the rest begins to sink in.

It's been a year since I was Janis Sarkisian. I've known Cady for a year now. A year ago today she stopped cookies off to two scared newlyweds who were running away from an old life. Literally . Damian and I have been home owners for a year.

"Yeah, that's definitely why I'm sad." I say, running my fingers through my half brushed hair. "Has it really been a year already?"

"Time flies," Damian said. "At the same time I feel like this experience took eleven years off my life line."

All I could do was chuckle in agreement.

Damian pats the empty spot on the sofa next to him as he turns back on the tv. I start making my way closer, and the second I'm in his arms reach, Damian is pulling me into a hug.

"I love you." He says as I hug him back.

"I love you more." I say.

Damian is leaning against the arm of the sofa with me pulled up against him. I turn my head to watch the TV, listening to the beating of Damian's heart.

We've been doing this for a year. It'll be okay.

It has to be.

The plastics came over for dinner that night. They apparently moved into their apartment a week before we were relocated. Still, we were all just glum. Even Gretchen, who is the life of the dinner party, barely touched her food.

It was just that sad energy in the air.

Even Leonardo tolerated me for the night. That's how you know it's bad.

"It's been a year." Regina started. "How much longer?"

"We were their best agents. Just like triple H is the best agent group for Westerburg Co. We may not know who replaced us, but I won't be naive and say they're the best for the job." Damian says.

"We've been working to take down triple H since we were fresh outta highschool. We're all in our twenties now." Gretchen points out.

"How did a nicely paying college side job become this? Shaking head emoji, goldfish emoji." Karen adds.

I shake my head. "We keep saying we gotta get used to this being the new normal, but I just can't."

"Everytime I get a phone call, I pray it's the agent assigned to us." Regina says.

"Yeah." Damian says.

"It's scary too, because recently, we've been seeing members of triple H around our town." Regina says.

Damian and I both stop eating to look at eachother.

"Do they know it's you?"

"No, they're primarily at the flower shop. I think they've caught wind of a Janis at a flower shop, but they're in the wrong town."

I put down my fork.

"Shit." Damian mutters.

"But, they aren't looking for Damian at your town theater right? And they don't know you're there." I point out.

"That's true." Regina says.

"And they have the wrong town if they're looking for you, shaking head emoji." Karen laughs.

I nod. At least triple H isn't in Northshore anymore. Damian and I don't have to worry.

No.

The plastics now have to worry. I can't be so selfish . They were there for Damian and I when I saw Veronica and JD. We need to be there for them.

"If you guys ever wanna cram in a room together, we have a guest bedroom." I say. "We could honestly get rid of the big bed and add three if ones bunk."

Karen's eyes light up. "I call top"

Regina rolls her eyes. "I'd top."

Damian chokes a bit on his food and I laugh. "Regina not everything is sexual."

"You're just mad you're a bottom bunker."

"I am not!"

"Lets no talk about our sex lives at the dinner table-" Damian yells over us, reaching his hands up.

"Wanna get me to call Cady? I'm willing to bet my life savings that you're a bottom."

"Nah, Janis is a switch totally." Gretchen says. "She can bottom, but only for Cady."

Damian groans and puts his head in his hands. Karen is still going on about a bunk bed she had as a kid, and Gretchen and Regina are now fighting about how I would be in bed.

Life almost feels normal.

Almost.