His Life of Contradictions

Of Rage and Love

{A/N: So I finally edited this, and I just want to say that I love this chapter so much. I got to work in one of my favorite St. Jimmy headcanons! Enjoy :3}

Johnny stretched his long legs out in front of him and leaned back against the gravestone in an attempt to make himself more comfortable. He let out a quiet sigh as he smashed the butt of his cigarette into the dusty ground. He ran his tongue over his chapped lips, closing his eyes. The sunlight cast shadows across his cheeks. The shadows made the man's eyelashes look like delicate lace rather than fine hairs clumped together because he had been crying only a few minutes before.

"Jimmy, I have to say that you have brought upon most of the pain and suffering I've ever had to face over my entire lifetime." The man absent-mindedly tugged at the dog tags around his neck as he spoke. "But I never really minded all that much, because you were..." Johnny trailed off, searching for a word that could accurately describe Saint Jimmy. Strange, peevish, loud, sarcastic, unique, flamboyant, and the list could just go on, "you were Jimmy." He said finally, giving a curt nod, even though he knew that no one was around to see it.

"I never thought I'd be thanking someone for ruining my life." There was a beat of silence. "But then again, I never imagined that I'd experience half the things I have in the past couple of years." He had ran away from Jingletown, fallen in and out if love a few times, lost friends, befriended a drug dealer, and came to love a twisted and deceptive man, who just happened to be that said drug dealer.A flock of doves landed in the lot across the street, the soft down of their feathers rustled as they cried, and seemingly laughed together, the sound their throaty chortle carried throughout the nearby area. 

That sound and clouds that hung across the sky, not quite letting the sun shine through seemed to set the mood for reminiscing and mourning. And there was just something about a Tuesday at three in the afternoon that made it all fall perfectly into place, like a skillfully played game of Tetris."Know what, Jimmy? I'm not quite sure if I can ever forgive you for being the reason Whatsername and I didn't work out." Johnny mused wistfully, plucking a blade of grass from the dirt and shredding it between his fingers. "Some times I think that me and her could have really been great, a power couple or some shit."

The man tried to speak, but his breath hitched and his words got lost in the process. He wanted to say that it was okay, that even though he didn't want to forgive Jimmy for destroying his relationship,  he still forgave him in the end. There was no better reason than death to make amends. And even though he did miss Whatsername, the days he spent alone with Jimmy were some of the best of his life. And Johnny was certain that he was pure poison for the woman he loved.

***

It seemed as if the whole world was asleep that morning.  The hum of the heater was like a lullaby, the pale light was more of a comfort that eased the mind and would pull you back into the land of dreams, rather than a blinding wake up call.  And the fact that the previous night was a blur of tossed sheets, hot kisses, and anything but sleep only made Whatsername even more reluctant to crawl out of bed.

But when her eyes fluttered open only to find the space beside her empty, she decided that it would be a good time to search for Johnny.  That's how life had been going since her path had crossed with his, late nights, early mornings, shared cups of coffee, sweet jokes, and attempts at making life better for the both of them.

Right from the start Whatsername had made it perfectly clear that she didn't approve of the things Johnny was doing because Saint Jimmy had convinced him to. And for the sake of their relationship, Johnny vowed to go clean, to cut syringes and highs from his life, and to focus on better things, to focus on love- their love.In the past few months, Whatsername had grown used to finding Johnny sitting out on the balcony, shivering because he was too lazy to put on a coat, so she'd bring him a blanket and a mug of hot coffee, black, he didn't like sugar or milk all that much.  She'd sit with him and smoke a cigarette or two as they silently gazed out at the dirty city whose nightlife was just heading to bed, and whose active citizens were just awakening to go on with their mundane lives.