I went home that night completely exhausted and confused, what the heck had just happened. I re-ran the night in my head, over and over and over. I could not go to sleep, I could not stop thinking about this girl.
Why am I all of a sudden drawn to this girl, I have always liked guys... I think. I had a 4 month relationship with a guy just this year, what is going on.
I decided to do some detective work on myself. I went through pictures, yearbooks, and tried to remember some conversations. In the majority of my pictures I looked like a tomboy, the yearbook pictures were no help because my mom had decided what i wore up until like 5th grade. Then I remembered a time when a good friend and I shared secrets. I remember saying, " ... I like girls". This was in 3rd grade. Why would I say that? Was I joking? How could I have thought that when I was 8?
It felt like I was just hit by a car, I fell back on to my pillow,
"... am i gay?".
I immediately got up and tried to reassure myself that I was not, "I can't be, no, I am not like that, maybe this is just a phase, maybe I am just tired, I should go to bed." So I slept it off hoping the thoughts were going to be gone in the morning.
They weren't.
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