Lie

Breathe

***Trigger Warning and Disclaimer:
This first chapter contains mention and description of rape. This book is not meant to glorify or romanticize this form of trauma in any way, but rather to spread awareness and help readers understand from the victim's point of view. Thanks for reading.***

Breathing.
That's what I'm doing. What I have to do right now, in case my heart stops on its own, gives up, has enough.
Each breath is careful, calculated, to keep my heart from beating right out of my chest. I am holding my head to keep the fragments of my skull in place. My entire body trembles. I am the only one experiencing this human earthquake. I don't cry for this, but for the space between my legs, that stabs in pain with the slightest movement. My hands touch my body carefully, desperately searching for one place that doesn't hurt, that isn't bruised. But I was a fighter; I screamed, I kicked, I bit. It wasn't until I felt the icy touch of the blade against my throat that every movement, every sound stopped. And even that wasn't until I heard an equally icy voice that was no longer his growl, "One more sound out of you, and your blood will be all over this wall."

Those words were demons like him: dark, nocturnal things that only chose to attack me during the sweetest dream. They almost seem unreal, to think of them now. Everything about that night seems unreal, and I've even tried to convince myself that it is nothing but a lie.
Because how can it be true? That this boy-no- this monster that I thought I could trust emerged from under the bed just when I closed my eyes. I hate him, and I hate myself for seeing an angel in Lucifer. But what I hate more than anything is that he sealed my lips shut. I have not spoken a word to him or anyone else even to this day, four years later.
I am Lucifer's fallen angel. It is hot down here, and getting hotter. I will cry to God, and he will laugh- it is my fault.
I listened to him. It is my fault.