What The Eyes Don't See

8 | Rejection and Dejection

"I know."

"I enjoy talking with you," Shanaya said. "Being with you is like being back home. All those school days..."

That thought made him genuinely smile. The carefree days of school! When nothing mattered; when he was king. There were no terrible ads to make, curbing one's own creativity and pandering to someone else's. It was so easy to impress doting teachers and fawning friends. Not like now when you had to kiss the ass of anyone who had money and called the shots.

"Those were fun days!" he said.

"Weren't they?" repeated Shanaya, excited. "I still remember so many things, like they happened just yesterday. All those friends we had... wonder what they are doing now. Do you remember them?"

"I don't think I do." Anay shrugged. "I am terrible with names and faces."

Shanaya laughed. "You would be!"

Anay laughed too. "What does that mean?"

"Why would you need to remember? You were the most desirable stud in school! Son of rich parents, strikingly handsome, and at the top of his game in everything."

"Really?"

"Compliment-fisher! Of course, ya! All the girls were crazy about you. I am sure some of the boys had a thing for you too!" She winked.

"Whoo, whoo, slow down! All the girls?"

Shanaya blushed.

"Not you?"

"Well, I won't say no. But we were such kids back then!"

Anay stared into her eyes with a mischievous smile dancing on his lips. "So, as long as we are confessing, let me tell you this. I had a major crush on you too."

"Really?"

"Of course! The boys could not stop chattering about you. They got haircuts to impress you! And when they talked about you, I used to feel like socking a punch in their bloody jaws. I felt for you so bad!"

There was more laughter.

"Do you remember the kiss?" she said.

A knot arose in Anay's throat. "Our first kiss..."

"Two young people, mad for each other, ended up sharing their first kiss," she said, "and then we were so embarrassed we hardly talked."

"I want to thank you, Shan," Anay said suddenly, his eyes turning a bit misty.

"What for?"

"I don't know if you feel it too, but this place has something about it," said Anay. "I used to think that a big city is all fun and glamor, and that is what we are all chasing, really, but at the end of the day, we are just lonely as hell. We are just feeding on this soulless city, like maggots feeding on a corpse."

"Oh, what an analogy! What brings that on, Anay?"

"The thing I want to tell you is... thanks for coming back into my life like this. I am not lonely here anymore. You know, when I left my family, it wasn't in the best of circumstances. For a while, I didn't think any of that mattered—family, friends. I still don't think, to be honest. But when you came here, it was like a breath of fresh air. I found a friend."

"Now don't get all sentimental on me, Anay!" Shanaya laughed. "You are a strong, motivated guy. You mustn't think about all these things."

"Nah, all of that... that attitude, that personality, is just on the surface. Beneath it all, I am just as lonely as any other bloke."

"Damn it! Let's have one more beer for you!" Shanaya snapped her fingers at a passing waiter and indicated an order for another pint. Then she said, "And as far as being lonely is concerned, you don't need to worry about it. I am here now."

It was the way she said it that did something to Anay. No, it was no commitment, but it was the exact thing he wanted to hear in that moment. He slid his hand across the table and felt her fingers tentatively. "Shan, tell me one thing," he said, moving up his hand on hers, carefully measuring her reaction. "Do you feel for me? I mean, do you think about me when I am not with you?"

"As a friend, ya!" she said with widened eyes, emphasizing the 'ya!'

"I mean more than that..." Anay said. "Last night, I was feeling so lonely, and all I could think of was you. I just wanted to message you, call you, and... and I hoped you were with me in my room."

She looked away, mumbling something incoherent. For a moment, Anay worried that he had angered her, but probably she was just bemused. There was no anger on her face.

He felt bold enough to ask her the question. "Shanaya..."

"What?"

"Look, don't get angry..."

"I won't. Why should I?"

"Look, I am always thinking about you. All the time. What if... I mean... would you come with me to my house tonight?"

There was a long moment of silence. She put her spoon and fork back into her plate and drank up her beer.

Anay's eyes did not leave her for a second. While deep in thought thus, she looked so much more desirable.

She narrowed her eyes, and he could not sit straight anymore. "Anay," she said, and there itself he knew what was coming. "It won't be appropriate, not at this time."

"Okay, sure. Of course, of course... I understand." In that moment, he wanted to kill himself. She had meant friend and he had taken it too far. He had screwed up the one good thing that he had going. Would she ever meet him again?

"Know this—you are the sexiest man I have ever met in person," she said. "But you see... we are both working here and something like that happens between us and doesn't work out, it will destroy both of us. I hope you understand."

Anay stammered with his words.

She took her hand away. Changing her tone, she said, "And with that, let's drop the subject. Shall we have some dessert?"

They had no dessert. For once, Anay could not wait to pay the check and get out of the accursed place where his humiliation had been put up on such prominent display.