Saudade - L.H

Chapter 01

SHANE

"SHANE IF YOU don't want to get fired then do your fucking job right!" My boss scolded me for the 8th time today.

I told him my apologies and went straight back to doing my job. Properly. Like how he said I am supposed to do it.

I don't know what's gotten into me. I feel weird and its just..strange.

It's been a year and I am still like this. Lost and longing.

I don't know what to do with my life right now.

I finished stacking the printer with bond papers and printed out the things that I was asked to. After finishing it, I left it on my boss' table. When I get back to the office it was just in time for me to go home.

AS I PULL over the nearest lot near my apartment, I noticed another vehicle being parked where my car's usual parking place was.

I went down and searched for the owner of the car.

There was a guy and a kid sitting on the bench, talking.

"Bud, are you feeling okay now?" The guy asked his boy who looks pale and weak at the moment.

"Daddy, Am hungry. Weally hungry." He mumbled.

"I know, Gray. I am too." The sadness in the tone of his voice made my heart break. I don't know what to do. I cant help but eavesdrop to their conversation.

I noticed something familiar about the both of them, thats when I realized that they were the same father and son I bumped into just three days ago.

"Im sorry but..excuse me, do you know who owns that truck?" I asked, unsure of my words.

"Oh yeah, thats mine. Im sorry its just that my son needed some air." He stood up quickly, holding his child's hand.

"Oh don't worry, its okay, Im not in a rush anyway, Ill just park my car there anyway so.." I smiled, not sure of what more to say. I turned my back and made my own way back to my apartment.

I STARED AT the ceiling for a long solid amount of time now, I just finished eating dinner and I am now lying on my bed.

That kid and his dad. Why cant I stop thinking about him?

"Daddy, Am hungry, weally hungry"

"I know, Gray. I am too."

I cant stop thinking about their conversation. I know I shouldn't be nosy and all, my mother thought me about etiquette but I just cant help it. Why are they saying things like that? Are they homeless? But I don't think they are, he's got a car, if he has a car I am sure that he has a home, right?

I curled into a ball as I feel my own heart being torn. Why am I feeling like this all of a sudden? I don't even know them!

I let out a deep breathe and closed my eyes. I wish I could just help them but what could someone like me possibly do? Im even lost myself.

LUKE

"GRAYSON, PLEASE. PLEASE stop crying!" I cuddled unto my baby as I try to calm him down. How could I possibly be like this, Im a fuck up!

"Daddy, I scared. Stop making it rain" He mumbled as I wipe his tear-stained cheeks.

"Baby, if only daddy can make the rain stop. I will." I sighed. He's way too young to understand these things but at least he is not old enough to tell me how much of a screwed up father I am.

He started hiccuping and I grabbed a bottle of water from our bags.

I let him sip a little and after awhile his hiccups stopped.

He again started crying and I couldn't help it but be mad at myself for being in this situation with my son. He's the only one I have in my life right now and I cant even provide for him! If only I listened to my parents. If only I knew what was right and what was wrong.

I was seventeen back then. Parties, girls, alcohol, drugs and getting laid. I was reckless. I was popular in school. All the girls love me. I had no problem with getting what I want. Tattoos, piercings, money, it was all free. All I had to do was to be stupid and be an asshole. I was the worst amongst all. I thought I knew everything. My parents kicked me out and my brothers hate me for stealing things from them just to trade it for drugs. I thought my friends will always be my friends but they left me as well. I got this stupid skank pregnant and when she got the baby out of her, she dumped Gray on me and eloped with some other guy. But, I could never be more grateful to her for giving me Grayson. Gray is the only right thing I have in my life right now.

Now, I am 21 and broke and living in his truck with his 3 year old son. I was the worst human being and this is my punishment.

I had to move from place to place, dragging my son along with me. Everywhere I go, I see people who I owe from through the years, I have a lot of debts to pay and a lot of people to run away from. Those people will not hesitate to do something that will end me and leave Grayson in danger. I don't want that to happen. I cannot let that happen.

A shrill shriek coming from Grayson zoned me out of my thoughts. Gray was crying loud. He doesn't like the rain, the thunder scares him.

"Shh, baby its okay. Daddy's here. Daddy's here. Daddy, will do everything to protect you-"

N// fuck this is so hot im choking