To the Butterflies and Peonies 《Demon Slayer》

10. It's The Comfort Held Dearly

Kanao only wrapped her arms around her older sister, fingers digging into her clothes. That's all she could do.

It's all she could ever do.

The memory cradled delicately in her thoughts. A significance of how Kanao should try harder. To become stronger than she did. Not because of something she's told to do, but something she's sworn to herself as a person. The first time her coin felt unnecessary and told her it was meant to be.

Lingering regrets stroke her heart every often for not taking the courage and staring beyond those pale purple hues of her sister. The way she comforted her with tendered touches and appraising words. The frightening gentle tone she spoke that didn't break in sobs once. What part of grieving did she go through to stay so composed? Or did she have the proper time to grieve at all? Kanae was never selfish with her feelings and thought of others ahead of herself; a double-edged sword.

Even when she passed the Tsuguko Shinobu's butterfly hairpin, it was that same smile. Gentle, caring, often directed towards those she's speaking with. When's the last time she saw her smile that to herself? Her fingers instinctively curled into her palm. It pained her that she couldn't do that much after everything's she's done. Everything she's given.

Her hand trailed down to her pocket, fingers dug in and pulled out the familiar coin. After her encounter with the strange Water Breath user, his promise about letting her choose what her heart decided, it left something fluttering in her chest. The feelings weren't bad at all. In fact, it was warm, light. Unfamiliar, but similar to Kanae's expression to love. The young girl questioned the coin in the base of her pale whenever a decision came to be. She couldn't pinpoint what exactly that meant. Following her heart wasn't exactly an easy thing for her to easily do overnight.

It's why Kanao watched her sister return that day from some business in a nearby village. The same day Tanjiro, Zenitsu, and Inosuke left to go along with the Breath of Flames user for answers (Tanjiro mentioned it once when she was passing through). Another thing she's noticed: Shinobu's sword. Unable to slice off a demon's head for it's petite blade, similar to Shinobu's petite body and underwhelming strength. However, it's easily countered by her knowledge of poison making.

The forlorn expression on her face, hidden frivorously behind her long locks. Her heart clenched for her.

It seemed her attention was too focused on her sister's blade to notice the soft steps padding her way. It's until the leaf crunched under her boots did Kanae became aware. She glanced behind her shoulder with shock before it relaxed.

"Kanao?" Kanae's eyes flickered instantly and like a switch, her eyes flashed brightly than the shadowed look. Her smile overshadowed the solemn grimace while she sheathed the blade back in it's holster. "How are you? Is there any problem?"

Stop forcing yourself, she wanted to say. I want to help you, she couldn't answer. Kind, caring, selfless. Painfully and utterly selfless. She inhaled another sharp breath.

The hand with the coin felt sweaty and she only clutched the metal tighter. The coin, yes, she just needed to flip. She paused when her hand was half-way out of her pocket. Words echoed vividly with the memory in mind.

"People are driven by their hearts." His smile brighter than the summer heat. Joy sprinkled in his velvet hues that she found herself tranced in. A familiar spark similar to her older sister's.

Her grip tightened and it relaxed. The coin released from her clutches.

She wanted to try.

Kanao, careful, reached her hand out. Her hand's not as small as before when she took her away and adopted her. It wasn't warm like Kanae's. Contrasting, but nice. She worried about her sweaty hand but it wasn't her main focus. It was the least of her problems. Now, it's the curious gaze locked with her overflowing thoughts.

Tanjirou was the trigger to make her see something beyond the coin.

Kanao only prayed that Kanae could find it too to make her see beyond the grief.

"Onee-san..." Her mouth hesitated. She's not used to speaking out what she had thought. It was different from weeks before when she relied on the coin for what to say. What right words she should say. Now she's not using it. It's different, raw and from the heart, that she didn't think she had it in for herself. She could only swallow the heavy bulge forming in her throat. She nodded her head and launched forward.

Clumsy, almost awkward, she wrapped her arms around the taller female and tipped them with more force than intended. Taken aback, she rocked on the heels of her shoes but balanced her weight. The Hashira blinked in surprise by the action. Noted how her hand dug for the coin one minute and suddenly jumped for her the next. She didn't mind — she felt relieved even.

Kanae scanned her for a moment. Tentative eyes trained on her expression buried in her chest before her giggles chimed. They felt melancholic, but it was lighter. Proud. She brought her hand and returned her embrace. Kanao couldn't see her sister's face with their given position. She felt flustered for her actions and almost wanted to pull away until the few words from the grown woman's lips kept her in place.

"Thank you, Kanao." She wished she heard her right, the smile in her tone. She hoped what she did was enough. Even the smallest bit was enough.

For now, that's what she can do. The coin unattended and her sister's emotions her utmost priority.

Kanao won't turn away from her eyes stowed with regret and guilt. She's ready. She's here for her. For everything she's done for her.