Depression

paranoia

Hey, its me again......and my paranoia
I woke up this morning....again
The distate in my head against the world
Only growing more as my fingers rub against my temple
I try to shut my eyes
To probably try and live in Oblivion
Maybe this time it will work
But I am not granted with such bliss
Lately the depression has gotten to me
The hate for one's self is only so much
The only way I can take my mind away from so much self hate
Is to hide behind the anger
I adore myself, I think I have this large wall
No one can see through;I am always never going to be fine
But then I am a legend in using that clause
It doesn't even have a meaning anymore to me that is
Sometimes I find myself doubting someone else when they use it to classify how they feel at the moment
I'm sad
I'm really sad
I have nobody
To talk to
I'm going to write though
And even this might not make sense to the writer
But I am sure at the end of today
I might infact smile
Smile at the fact that I can see my life
It's a big pile of shit sitting in my front
Shhhh........Tessa why are you cussing?
It seems as though my own voice is forgotten and even my mind struggles to become accustomed to the pain,
I tell my body bravo though,she is doing a good job of keeping up with the facade
I am tired
See how am saying this
How tired I am
But really I am
I can only think of how sad it is
And finally
I have no more ink left.

Susanna Johnson