"Wakey Wakey! Eggs and BACON!"
The truck shuddered, as a man the size of an earthquake explodes into life.
"Oi! Layabouts! I'm not paid to sit around like a ninny and dribble into me pillows." He trembled as he spoke, his many chins wobbling like jellies.
"And need I remind you, neither are you. So geddup and start moving."
The van and the people inside it groaned, and rolled off their bunks and onto the splintered wooded floor.
"We're not paid for anything." Said the grey man, who looked to have not only dribbled onto his pillow, but eaten it too.
"I know. But that's because her magesty thinks that you're all to rich anyway. Normal people have to pay A considerable portion of their wages into the government."
"I know. Its called tax. So do we. So don't talk down to me sir."
"But. When you only have 20p a day to feed your family I think loosing even two pennies of that would be more of a foot im mouth situation than you are in Mr big."
"Speak for yourself." Chris mumbled into his lap.
"Excuse me? Did you say something? If you did it'd be nice to hear."
"I said, speak for yourself. You're not in such a bad situation"
The man turned red, then blue, then purple, flowing through the spectrum in a matter of moments.
"THIS IS MY JOB! just like being a wuss is your occupation. I am paid yes, but to stare death in the kisser and wave me red flag
Meanwhile, a few yards down the road, Jonny, Will, and Guy were met with the same, enthusiastic awakening.
But there was one key difference, the man who had stood at the docks and boomed like a canon seemed considerably quieter.
"Probably lost his voice" Will theorised.
They didnt really need to be woken up since they had laid awake, through the whole journey, their minds filled with worry. Will slowly and painfully swung his legs over the side of the bench he was lying on, the wood sent a spasm of discomfort shooting up his spine.
"I hope he doesn't get slaughtered." Guy mused
"Cheers mate, what about me eh?" Johnny chuckled,
"No, no, you dont get it. I mean, drunk, hammered, of his head. Last time he did, in uni, he stained me carpet."
Johnny's eyes lit up "oh aye, I remember that. Ahh those were the days. You had to buy a new carpet didn't you? It burnt right through."
"Something like that"
But then, the cannon of a man exploded again.
"RIGHT! GOOD MORNING YOU WORKS OF FART"
Despite himself Guy grinned "worst pun EVER"
"I'm assuming you know about the situation, that you remember what I said the other day"
They did, all of them, too well.
"Well.. If you don't, here's a recap." Then, his voice dropped to an embarrassing low tremble, it sounded like Tarzan if he was about 30℅ more ape. He jumped to his feet off the floor and pointed at himself "ME McPherson."
He waddled to Johnny, who looked at him quizically, yet the general continued unphased "You CELEBRITIES! THIS FRANCE. YOU BANG BANG THEY dead dead"
Then after the absurd pantomime he nodded proudly, as if he had given a speech which was to be conducted into the anuls of history.
"Any questions?"
