Day 0 - That Day

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That morning repeats in my head like a record. A painful reminder that goes on every single day. It was a normal day - like any other. I woke up, got dressed, walked downstairs and saw him making breakfast. I kissed him on his cheek and ate with him. We both went to work on our videos. Until.

It happened.

He grabbed his chest and started hyperventilating. He quickly became pale. I heard his coughing behind me. He sounded completely out of breath. "A-Adam..." he mumbled, his weak voice trying to call for help. I quickly called am ambulance.

At the hospital, they said he suffered a heart attack. They said he would fine and that I could visit him an hour later. When I got to, I was in tears. I hugged him and he giggled. God that giggle, it was adorable.

We just went back to normal. I was telling him jokes, making him laugh. We were back to our usual everyday life. His cute smile, his adorable laugh. But the laughter stopped.

His heart started to beat faster. He started mumbling my name, he was calling for my help. I didn't know what to do. Some doctors and nurses came rushing in, telling me I had to leave. But I couldn't! This was him! He's my boyfriend! He's been for 4 years! I love him!

They called security on me. The tried to pull me out of the room. But I didn't let them. I fought back. I didn't stay still. My focus was on him. He was struggling. The doctors were trying to help in the best way they could. I just wanted to be with him. He couldn't leave me!

I kept fighting, almost as hard as he was. But, he couldn't fight forever. His heart just stopped. The doctors did everything they could! But it all came to an end. I screamed his name, tears streaming down my cheeks and falls off my chin. My violent screaming could probably be heard across the floor, but I didn't care. I just wanted him.

It's been 3 months since he passed. It hurt so badly. I keep acting like this is all a nightmare and that I would wake up one day and he would be here. But, he's never next to me. James isn't cuddling me, making breakfast, or working on a video. He's gone. Gone forever. I'll never see him again.

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