The End of the Wimpy Saga

:)

2013
5/1
Dear diary uhhh ACTUALLY NOT DIARY BECAUSE THAT'S GAY AND I'M VERY VERY HOMOPHOBIC. I decided to pick up my NOT diary because as I always say, new month new greg.

5/2
Dear diarrrrrrrrrry I luv mil3y hahaaaaaaa I watched hannah montana like 5 times today. Ok byyyyyyyyyyye

5/3
Rowley fucking died.

5/4
Fregley kissed my mom, susan and frank are getting a divorce. I'm just a kid and my life is a nightmare
P.S. my dad has cancer

5/5
I wasn't joking about the cancer btw I know I like to have little gaffs with myself haha <3
But this is serious my dad has two days to live :( JUST KIDDING I'M NOT SAD FOR A MANS DEATH BECAUSE I AM NOT GAY.)

⅚
I made cookies :)

5/7
Oh no

⅝
We out here at my dad's funeral. Holly was lookin mad cute in her funeral fit thoooooooooooooooooooo, I texted her a flirty doge meme and she laughed, I'm in boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyys.

5/9
Manny beat up a cop.

5/10
Rodrick and I went on a lovely picnic together, I feel we are truly bonding as siblings, nay. As comrades.

5/11
Manny's trial was today. He killed everyone in the room and then himself.

5/12
ROWLEY IS NOT DEAD. He is part of a major crime syndicate now! :) They killed my mom :(

5/13
Rowley and Rodrick have run away together, they are in love. I am the last heffley standing, I must fuck to survive; and to do that. I must do the unthinkable- throw away my NOT DIARY BECAUSE I AM NOT GAY.