Agad napadako ang tingin ko kay Ate Mae na ngayon ay hindi na masalubong ang mga mata ko. Did she just tell Mom about Chase?! Hindi ako makatingin kay Mama na ngayon ay nag-aabang na ng sagot ko at nakataas ang kilay sa 'kin, all I cared about was Ate Mae. I trusted her!
I clenched my fists and I swear at this time, I wanted to go and yell in front of her face asking why she did that. But I know that's immature, and it'll make things worse.
You're better than that, Brianna. Alam ko naman na malalaman lang nila, but I didn't know it would be this soon. Guess I'll have to face the consequences of my actions now.
"Jade, I am talking to you." I shut my eyes, trying to not let my emotions get the best of me. I couldn't think straight now. Will I never get to talk to the person who gave me so much hope and showed me a different light to my negative thoughts? Will they take my phone away and let me study again all the time? Or will they let me?
How I wish they'd let me.
"Wala 'yon, Ma," ang tanging naisagot ko sakaniya. Wala rin naman talaga akong masasagot! Either way, she'll be mad at me because she knows I talk to guys now without her knowing, why would I bother explaining? Pagagalitan niya lang rin naman ako.
"Anong wala? Sabi ay kausap mo pa sa phone!" She exclaimed, massaging her temples as if feeling really stressed.
Can I tell her not to meddle with my life, even just for once?
Nasa legal na edad na ako, I'm allowed to at least have someone like this. I know my limitations, and I'm studying well just like how they want me to do, but I need to breath. Sarili kong mga magulang ay hindi ako binibgyan ng oras para magpahinga. I don't think they're even proud of my achievements.
I could only stare at my half-eaten food, fists clenched below the table and gritted my teeth. Ang hirap kapag wala kang karapatan magsalita. Ang hirap kapag kahit anong paliwanag mo sakanila ay hindi ka nila iintindihin at pakikinggan.
Why was I born in an environment where talking back to your parents when clearly they're wrong is called disrespectful?
Naiintindihan ko naman, mga magulang ko sila, utang ko sakanila ang buong buhay ko, pinalaki nila ako ng maayos at binigyan ng magandang buhay...but is it enough to make me feel like this? Is that enough for them to control my life?
Or maybe this is their way of showing affection?
"Brianna Jade, I am asking you!" She screamed in disbelief, dropping her utensils to stare at me. Napalingon ako kay Papa na ngayon ay mukhang gusto na magsalita, pero ano pa nga ba ang aasahan ko? He'll never talk to my Mom about this.
Maybe not.
"Wala lang nga po iyon, ka-batch ko lang po," I lied, wanting to get out of here and run back to my room. I can't fucking breath here. Ni hindi ko sila magawang tingnan.
Strict parents make liars.
"Margaret, hayaan mo n—" Before my father could even say anything, Mom cut him off. Ngayon nalang nga magsasalita si Papa, hindi niya pa hahayaan!
"No, I will not let this slide." She stated, giving me a meaningful look.
May karapatan naman akong magsalita, 'di ba? But why don't I have the guts to do that? Why can't I tell them how I feel? Why am I letting them do this to me when I know I have the right to speak and the right to express what I feel?
"Ma, I told you, there's nothing to worry abou—"
"Oh I have every right to be concerned about this matter, Jade! Your future is on the line! You are not allowed to have those cheap boyfriends! Kami na ang bahala kapag nakapag-trabaho ka na kung sino ang magiging asawa mo."
Wtf? They already planned who I'm marrying? This is too much!
"You can't do this!" Napasigaw ako, hindi na kinakaya ang galit na namumuo sa puso ko. They already dictated who I'm supposed to be friends with, they already dictated my course and my job, pati ba naman ang taong mamahalin at pakakasalan ko sila pa?!
"I have every right to do this." Mom said with finality. Sa puntong 'to, gusto ko nalang ibunton lahat ng galit ko sa paninigaw. I am fuming mad right now, how can they do this to me?
I carefully dropped my utensils before standing up, I can't tolerate this anymore. Baka may masabi pa akong masasamang salita kaya't hanggang maaari ay pipigilan ko ang sarili ko at ako nalang ang aalis dito.
"Jade, kinakausap pa kita!" I bit my lower lip and didn't glance back nor say anything else.
"Hayaan mo na ang bata, pagod lang 'yan." I heard Dad say to Mom.
"Bumalik ka rito, wala kang respeto!"
That's it.
I slowly returned to them, facing my Mom while my nails could almost make a deep cut on my skin from clenching it too much. I feel like my whole face is getting red not from blushing, but from the anger building up inside me.
Sobra na.
"Y-You.." My words trailed off, unable to say exactly what was on my mind. Why can't I just tell them?!
"Bumalik ka na sa kwarto mo. Ako na ang bahala dito," pakiusap sa akin ni Papa at sinenyasan akong bumalik na pero hindi ako gumagalaw sa pwesto ko. Nanatili akong nakatayo kaharap ni Mama habang nakatingin lang sakanilang dalawa. I'm having a silent battle with myself, weighing the pros and cons of every action I'm about to be making today.
"Itigil mo 'yan kauusap diyan sa Chase mo na 'yan, o ako mismo ang kakausap diy—"
"T-That's enough!" I screamed, cutting her off.
Fuck the consequences.
"Just..Just for once, Ma." I pleaded, my tears almost falling from my eyes already. "Kahit ngayon lang..hayaan niyo naman akong maging malaya..."
"Can you let me do that, Ma? Can you let me do things on my own? Can you stop manipulating my life? Can you set me free?" I uttered before a drop of tear rolled on my cheeks.
I can hold back my sobs, but when I cry in front of you, that's a whole different level. It means I can't take it anymore.
"You're being too much, Brianna Jade!" Mom snapped, forcefully getting out of the table and walking out, leaving me with Dad.
No...you're being too much.
Or am I being dramatic?
"Ako na ang bahalang kumausap sa Mama mo, intindihin mo nalang at pagod lang iyon," Mahinahong saad sa 'kin ni Papa ngunit hindi ko siya magawang tingnan kaya napagpasiyahan kong umalis nalang.
Before I stormed out, I took a final glance at Ate Mae who couldn't meet my eyes.
I ran back to my room, wiping my tears off my face who seemed like a broken faucet and couldn't stop from falling.
Why am I crying?! I keep crying over petty things!
I knew I said fuck the consequences, but am I regretting it now? Dapat ba ay sinunod ko nalang sila? Dapat ba ay hindi nalang ako nagsalita? Am I making things worse than it already is? Should I have just followed them?
The courage I had earlier was all gone now, napalitan na ito ng matinding kalungkutan at kawalan ng pag-asa. When will I ever get to be genuinely happy?
Can this all just fucking end?
VOCÊ ESTÁ LENDO
Let Me Know (Epistolary)
Conto[ COMPLETED ] semi-epistolary. Brianna's friends knew she absolutely had no idea about dating and falling in love even when she was already at legal age. She was scared of diving into relationships or rather, she isn't supposed to be in one in the...
