🅈🄴🄻🄻🄾🅆 🄲🄰🄽🄰🅁🅈 🄱🄸🅁🄳 •Stanley Barber•

Skinny Ass Gets Fired

"Welcome to your first day opening up, Kara."

He walked right past me, and I found myself trying not to gag. Stan was too busy playing with the lights to have noticed, still standing close to me.

"God, you smell like weed," I said, waving away the smell from my general direction. "Were you smoking recently?"

"What are you gonna do? Fire me?" He pulled off his sunglasses, leaning against the wall and smirking. He was a pompous idiot, but he did make me feel better.

"I think I will, actually," I said, walking past him. "I'd like to speak to the manager, please."

"Oh, let me go get him for you."

He sauntered down the long hall, his hands outstretched like he was on the runway. Who knew? Maybe he was in his head. I bet Jacob would have smoked weed if he didn't think he was too high and mighty for it anyway. That was my reason, at least.

I followed Stan down to the Employees Only door, but he paused before I could get in.

"I'm gonna go get the manager for you, all right? Why don't you wait over by the Shoe Box?"

I rolled my eyes, but still backtracked to the Shoe Box. Stan popped in on the other side, and fixed his polo, straightening the collar.

"Hi there. I'm the manager. I heard you were having some trouble with one of our employees?"

"Yeah, one of them fucking stinks," I said, leaning forward on the desk. "It's ruining my ego."

"Well we can't let that happen." He pulled out the clipboard and a pen, not even bothering to uncap it as he pretended to write. "What was the employer's name?"

"Well, I didn't get a very good look of his name tag. Will a description do?"

"Sure. I'm all ears, Miss."

"Well, he's about this tall." I held out a hand just an inch or so above my head. "Curly brown hair and, uh, super white..."

"Super?"

"Super."

Stan nodded, and pretended to scribble that down.

"Oh! I remember what his name is!"

"Well, go on," he urged.

"It was Skinny Ass."

Stan looked so startled that he was rendered speechless for just a moment. At first I began to worry that I had gone too far, but Stan soon he started laughing. My shoulders relaxed, and I shoved my hands in my pockets for superiority.

"Wow, that hurts. That genuinely hurts." He put a hand on his heart, but continued to beam. "My ass isn't that skinny, is it?"

"I don't know. Haven't checked." I gave a little wink, and hopped over the desk to meet him on the other side. "Please don't fire me for being brutally honest."

"Don't worry. The only person I'm firing is Skinny Ass." He began playing with the secret money compartment below the cash register, taking out everything he needed. "Wanna help me open up?"

"That's what I'm here for, right?"

He shrugged. "I guess you're right." Stan pushed the side door open, holding it while I followed him out. The door clicked shut behind us as I followed him towards the front again. We went through all of the usual stuff, turning on the blinking OPEN sign, and getting the music to play through the speakers. It was just the two of us, unstoppable against the world.

"Today will be a wonderful day of not working," I said, standing in the front door. "Don't you think, Mr. Manager?"

"Oh, it will be great," he drawled.