the last thing i wanna do (lil peep fanfic)

fourteen

i sat on the couch in his tour bus. liza had let me in. i was waiting for them to come back from the concert he had just finished. i finally get to see gus again after quite a long time. he knew i was at the concert but he didn't know i was here at the bus already. the door started to open. "and it's like, magical, their faces when i walk out, and i'm actually-" gus locked eyes with me. "lillian."
"hey, peep."
he raced towards me and picked me up. "baby."
i giggled. "hi, gus."
"i missed you." he said, then kissed me. i kissed back. "baby."
i wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. "mhm?"
"let's go for a drive. that's okay, right momma?" he turned to her.
"of course, gus." she laughed. "you don't need to ask permission."
"okay!" he set me down and grabbed my hand, pulling me outside.
"slow down!" i said.
he tossed me keys. "you're driving."
i smirked and slid into the drivers seat. "where we going, peep?"
"anywhere you want, baby."
"driver picks the music."
"nah." he turned on some of makonnen's stuff.
i rolled my eyes and started to drive. "i wanna listen to you."
"why?"
"i dunno." i turned onto the highway and sped up. "i had this dream once, that you and me were driving, and we were listening to your music, and we... i don't know. we were free."
gus smiled and turned crybaby on shuffle. the first song that played was yesterday. "like this?"
"yeah."
he lit a blunt and looked at me. "this is honestly all i've ever wanted."
i grinned. "share."
"keep your hands on the wheel." he held the blunt to my lips and i inhaled, then blew the smoke out.
"thanks."
"of course." he put it back in his mouth. "where are we going?"
"who knows?" i looked at the lights from the cars. "where do you wanna go?"
"dunno. let's take a rural road."
"okay." i pulled off onto the nearest ramp and after a few minutes, got onto a dark side road.
we drove like that, listening to the music, until gus spoke up. "stop the car, i gotta say something."
"just tell me while i'm driving."
"stop the car."
i pulled over to the ride of the road, nervous as to what he was going to say. "what's wrong?"
he sighed, and looked at his lap. "i've been thinking about you every single day for the past few months. i... i'm in love with you. you're the love of my life. i've known this for a long time."
"gus..." i looked at him.
"i just... i know we're young. i know that. but i also know i'll never feel this way about anyone else. i honestly can't bear to lose you. i've tried to imagine my future with someone else, and i can't. i get jealous when i imagine you having a future with anyone else. i know we're young, i know we're impulsive. especially me. but i've been thinking about this for a while. lillian, i love you more then i can ever say." he bit his lip. "would you wanna... um... marry me?"
i looked at him. "you're serious?"
"yeah. i am. and i know you're someone who likes to think about stuff, and like-"
i leaned in and hugged him. he gasped and hugged me back. "of course, gus."
he smiled and held my hand. "i know you're not a ring person, we can look at something later."
i grinned. "i want a tattoo on the back of my hand. a peep marshmallow."
"that's cute. everyone will know you're mine."
"mhm."
"let's go back, i wanna tell momma. can i drive?"
"sure."
we switched seats and gus started driving us back to the bus. he played skyscrapers. "hotel rooms and skyscrapers, i bought a new pair of shoes to impress her." he sang along.
i smiled. "you're adorable."
he shook his head and slid his hand onto my thigh. "nah. you're way more adorable."
"nah."
he smirked and continued driving. once we parked outside the bus, he held my hand. "i've got a goth queen tonight." he sang.
"that's not the lyrics."
"well i don't need a goth queen anymore, i've got one." we walked onto the bus. "momma?"
"yeah, peepers?" she looked at him.
"i got something to tell you."
"what is it? are you guys okay?"
"yeah, of course. i just wanted to tell you... me and lillian are engaged."
she stared at us. "engaged?"
"momma, i know we're young, i know it's impulsive, but she's the love of my life."
liza smiled. "i've always known. i could tell. you love her more than anything. i can't wait for the wedding."
i grinned and buried my face in gus's shoulder. he pat my head. "i think my baby is tired."
"yeah. i should let you two have some alone time. i'll see you guys tomorrow, we can grab lunch?"
"okay." gus said. "i love you, momma."
"i love you too, gus." she left the tour bus.
he pulled me onto the couch. "how did you like the concert?"
i grinned. "i loved it, you sang amazing, and nose ring... holy fuck."
"i tat your name on my face." he whispered. "love me baby, it's okay, you don't love me you in love with the gold chains. fuck me baby, it's okay, all i do is young bitches and cocaine."
"my peep."
"yes."
"i'm tired."
he pulled me over to his bunk. i slid inside and he followed. he wrapped his arms around me as i laid down. "baby?"
"yeah?"
"i love you. so much."
"i love you too, gus." i pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my face in his chest.
he pulled a blanket over us. "go to sleep, you're tired."
"i wanna spend time with you."
he chuckled softly. "you're tired, babygirl. go to sleep."
"no."
"well, i'm going to sleep then, you can stay awake if you want." he closed his eyes.
"gus." i whined and poked his cheek.
he opened his eyes and smiled. "okay, fine, we can stay awake."
"do you really want to?"
"no, i'm exhausted as hell."
"okay, we can sleep then."
"heh, good. goodnight baby."
"goodnight, peep."