Queen for a Day

Ch.9: Still not Good Enough

I've tried my best to forget the last few days that led up to Roxy running away from home...but no matter how hard I try, they always come back to haunt me. So, forgive me if I'm not as detailed as you'd want me to be...

Since I have tried to forget these next few memories, I can only tell you so much, since this is all I can remember clearly...

Three years after Thrash confessed that he loved me, I was living my best life! I had great friends, a boyfriend by my side, and my people loved me! I couldn't have asked for anything better!

The only problem was, I was starting to become very full of myself, arrogant, and worst of all, naive...which was exactly what dad wanted me to be. But, I didn't notice, nor did I care at the time.

I remember thinking that my life was perfect!...

But, that didn't mean everybody's life was...

I failed to realize that the higher I rose, the further my sister fell. I was ignoring the one who needed me the most...and by the time I finally managed to open my eyes to that...I was too late...

The night before she ran away, I couldn't sleep for some reason, so I got out of bed and walked around for a bit. I soon found myself walking drowsily into the backstage area of the stadium. I was immediately confused as to why I was there in the first place, and was about to turn around...

When I heard a something strange coming from further inside the stadium...

I am the diamond you left in the dust
I am the future you lost in the past
Seems like I'll never compare
Wouldn't notice if I disappeared

Out of curiosity, I tiptoed closer to the source of the strange sound. It sounded like music, but not like any music I'd ever heard of before. The voice, on the other hand, sounded both familiar AND unrecognizable.

You stole the love that I saved for myself
And I watched you give it to somebody else
But these scars, no longer I'll hide
I found the light you shut inside
Couldn't love me if you tried

I peeked my head around the corner slowly to see Roxy sitting in the middle of the stage. I was so confused...why was she here by herself so late at night? She had her arms spread out, and her bandages were in a heap next to her. As far as I knew, she had only four bands on her forearms: Blue, Yellow, Purple, and Orange. But as she kept singing, I noticed that a pink one was slowly beginning to appear on them, too.

Am I still not good enough?
Am I still not worth that much?
I'm sorry for the way my life turned out
Sorry for the smile I'm wearing now
Guess I'm still not good enough

I remembered thinking, "Why on earth is she singing this garbage? This isn't rock music. What even is this?!" But even though I hated it, I couldn't help but hide in the shadows and listen.

Does it burn
Knowing I used all the pain?
Does it hurt
Knowing you're fuel to my flame
Don't look back
Don't need your regrets
Thank god you left my love behind
Couldn't change me if you tried

Am I still not good enough?
Am I still not worth that much?
I'm sorry for the way my life turned out
Sorry for the smile I'm wearing now
Guess I'm still not good enough