Hold My Hand

Chapter 8

She leads me through the fairgrounds, and I am shuffling behind her, holding her hand tightly. Out of all the rides she could have chosen, the teacups, the merry-go-round, the rigged carnival games, she wants the Ferris wheel. My brain says "hell no" while my heart is already halfway up the steps to the reasonably short line behind the operator.

"Laura, there's something you should know," I stutter out nervously. The operator ushers us into one of the gondolas and closes the bar over our laps. The 'protective measure' only serves to make me even more nervous. How this could protect us from falling out is beyond me. I grip the bar, and Laura turns to me.

"What did you want to tell me, Carm?" She has a soft smile that she always seems to have whenever I see her nowadays. She rests her hand over mine, prying my fingers from the metal bar and holding it in hers. "You can tell me anything, I promise."

I nod, trying to find a way to tell her without changing the way she sees me. I open my mouth, but suddenly the car we're in jerks to a halt as the next gondola gets filled. I can barely breathe. Somehow my hand is in her lap, and she seems so much closer now. I can see the light reflecting off of her bottom lip. My hollow reflection shines in her eyes as the bright amusement park lights blanket the surrounding area.

"I'm, um," I start but quickly find a lump in my throat.

"You're what, Carmilla?" The way she says my name in such a hushed whisper sends chills through my body. I could kiss her right now. I want to. I squeeze her hand and inch a tad bit closer, seeing if she will back away. Maybe I should ask if I can kiss her? What if she says no, though? Carmilla, don't be such an asshole.

"Can I, uhm," I bite the inside of my cheek to keep my face from breaking into its usual nervous smile, "can I-"

The Ferris wheel jerks to a stop again. On instinct, I react. I bury my head in her shoulder and cling to her like a baby koala. If my nails were longer, Laura would probably need a few band-aids on her shoulder from where I gripped it so tightly.

"I'm so sorry! I'm afraid of heights!"

"Oh! Oh..." Laura tenses up. I try to pull away from her shoulder, but before I can put any distance between us, her hand is on my back, keeping me close. "Hey, it's okay! Why didn't you say anything?" Laura asks in the same soft tone as before. I can feel her body relaxing, so I allow myself to invade her space a little longer. 

Unlike the wild pounding of my heart and the adrenaline surging through me, Laura is completely cool and calm. In some ways, it helps to see how she's so unaffected by the potential danger of a massive rotating wheel that was only assembled days ago with few protective measures.

"I was trying to, just now, but then... I don't know." The gondola stops rocking, and I let out a sigh. I guess I'm not dying today after all. There have been way too many close calls. Laura's hand moves up and down my back slowly yet confidently. Her sweater is so soft and warm compared to the frosty night air. I never knew how much a little bit of comfort could help in a terrifying situation. I look up to see Laura biting back a smile. "What's so funny?"

"You, Carm," she answers with a muted laugh. She looks down, and one look at my face makes her backtrack. "I'm sorry, it's not funny that you're terrified. Fear can be very... scary."

"Imagine that," I grumble against her shoulder as I peek out at the night sky.

"Hey, no, listen," she insists, I look up at her. It's not the most attractive angle for most, but for Laura, it only makes me want to kiss the side of her neck that's only inches away and... wait, no, Laura's talking. "I have my fears, and I don't talk about them either. But... I think you're my best friend, so here it goes."

Best friend? I store that away in my mind to think about later. My head rises and falls with the deep breath Laura takes before she starts talking again.

"I'm claustrophobic." Laura takes a pause, and all that I can hear is the eerie creaking of the Ferris wheel. "One time, I put on a bunch of t-shirts all at once to see how many I could put on. Well, I got stuck, and I was home alone. I had to wait for hours and hours like that until my dad came home and cut me loose." I couldn't hold it anymore. I dug my face deeper into her sweater and laughed.

"Really?"

"Hey, I'm serious! To this day, I have a thing about tight clothing and restricted movement. It was traumatizing. A lot of good shirts were lost that day."

"Is that why you always wear these baggy sweaters?" I pull at the thick material covering her arm gently. There's about three or four inches of leeway in there. The memory of me cornering her accusing her of self-harm resurfaces, and I cringe involuntarily. Stupid.

"It's mostly for comfort and my sense of style, but yes." I nod thoughtfully and take a deep breath. A strange sensation flairs up in my chest. A distinct feeling like I've just come up for air. Maybe it's because a single drop of information about Laura's life revitalizes her curiosity and eagerness to know her even more and to really get her.

"I'm sorry you went through that."

"It's what I get for being a silly kid," Laura says with a shrug. I shift my position so I can look at her better.

"Nobody deserves to be afraid," I tell her sincerely. She looks back and presses her lips together then looks away.

"Why are you afraid?" My head falls back onto her shoulder easily.

"I don't know. Maybe I was tossed out of a window or something and I repressed the memory," I say jokingly. I wouldn't put it past my mother, but I know Will never let anything like that happen. "Sometimes intense fear can be reasonable. Like if you're trapped on a rotating disk in the sky that could detach at any moment."

"You could say the same thing about planes, or cars, or buildings," Laura reasons. "Do you think Ferris wheels would still be around if they were such a danger to society like they're portrayed in movies? I know people die on these rides... mostly from falling out of the gondolas..." I shift closer to her and away from the edge. When did I become so needy? "But compared to the number of car deaths and plane deaths, it's a lot safer."

"Well, when you put it that way, then I guess it's not so bad," I admit. "But this is the last time I will ever ride on one of these."

"That's fair," she concedes. The car finally stops at the bottom of the wheel. I reluctantly pull away from Laura's warm body and stand. We'd been up there so long my knees pop as my legs fully extend. Even though I was scared out of my mind half the time, I can't help thinking about Laura's hand in mine, her lips inches away, and my body so close to hers there's not a single inch of space between us. These feelings are getting so out of hand it's getting hard to ignore them like I usually do. 

The rest of the night is full of silent tension that I am not quite sure is being felt on the other end

A/N: The story's been good up til now, but after this chapter, I think it gets more interesting. I may be a tiny bit biased though.