AXED

Chapter three: Heart-wrenched

Two years later

Mayma's thoughts

It's been two years. I have tried to move on, it's difficult. To see someone breathing one minute and dead the next is heart-wrenching, not to talk of three people who were your family. I haven't spoken a word ever since. I haven't prayed one unit of Salah or fasted. I have lost faith and trust in God. Uncle Qaasim and Aunty Hadiza have talked, scolded, and tried reasoning with me but I wouldn't just budge. If Allah is fair and just, he wouldn't take away my parents and leave me in this unfortunate world alone.
Aunty Hadiza thinks I have jinn manifestation. I wish that were the case, at least then I will know that something IS wrong with me. At least, then I'd know that something was controlling me, making me do what I do. I feel so empty, a door in my brain shut off ever since the accident and it has remained locked. Sometimes, I wish I could just die, I've tried that but I was saved. Nothing was worth living for. No one was worth living for right now.

•••

"It has been two years and Mayma is still in shock. She has not spoken a word, she has not prayed, not once. What should I do Hindu? I've gone to many Islamic chemists to collect ointments and concoctions. These jinn will not let her be if she doesn't pray. I've talked and talked but she's not listening. In fact, even yaya  Salman came to the house because of her, and you know he doesn't leave his house because of his leg pain, but he still came." Aunt Hadiza complained to her friend as they prepared a bowlful of beans.

"Maybe her problem is not jinn, may be it is.., you know?" Hindu touched her head to indicate a psychological issue.

"It could be, but I still think it is the jinn. Do you know what happened two days ago?" She lowered her voice to a whisper. Hindu shook her head keeping her tray of beans on the mat she was seated. She inched forward.
"What happened?"

" In the afternoon, after I prayed zuhr, I was on my praying mat when I thought I smelt kerosene. When I went to the kitchen, she had poured the whole bottle on herself and was trying to set herself ablaze. If I'd arrived any later, she would've burnt herself." Hindu's eyes were as wide as saucers.

"Kai! I did not know it was that serious."

"That is not all." Hadiza said, transferring the beans on the tray into an enamel bowl. "I woke up late at night to go to the bathroom and I heard some noise like laughter. When I went to check, Mayma was laughing like a maniac. She was seated on her bed and she was laughing. Laughing. Hindu, I will not hide anything from you, I am scared for this girl. I don't know how many clerics have prayed for her but she isn't showing ay signs of improvement." Hindu was scratching her head in thought.

"Hadiza, this is not jinn gaskiya, maybe you should consider a psychologist. There is one that I know, Dr. Abbas, you know Lami, my nephew's wife had a problem akin to this and she was treated by this doctor." Hadiza was silent for a while before she spoke.

"Amma Hindu, do you think this is a good idea? I don't like to do... Kai... I'm so confused. Oh, ni Dije. I will think about it and get back to you."

"Okay Hadiza, let me get going. Your in-law will be back soon and you know how feisty he gets when he's hungry." It was a poor joke but they laughed to ease the tension.

"I'll call you when I make up my mind. Regards to my in-law."
After she left, Hadiza sat in deep silence. She sighed and picked the bowl of beans and took it to the kitchen. She stepped in a poodle of water. She traced the water to the bathroom.

"Hello, Hindu, are you back home?"

"Hello Hadiza, yes, I'm back. But thank God, your in-law is not back yet." She laughed a little.

"Hindu, that psychologist, could you send me his number?"

"Ha'an, so soon? What happened? I thought you were going to think about it."

"I was but, something happened."

"Again?" She was shocked.

"Yes, she wanted to drown herself in the bathroom. I found her submerged in the bath struggling to breathe."

"Subhanallahi! Ha'an! Kai this is getting more and more serious. I will send his number immediately. In fact, I will come over tomorrow and take you there myself."

"Okay, thank you Hindu. See you tomorrow, regards to my in-law when he comes back."