One Day At A Time

Chapter 13 - A Better Tomorrow

This time, she turned the chair to face him. "And you do?" She asked him as she regarded him steadily.

"What?" Kabir asked her with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Care for me?" She asked him, her eyes set and narrowed as she looked at him.

"Khush, I am in love with you! That says it all, doesn't it?" He snapped. Both of them glanced at the bedroom door and lowered their voices instantly.

"No, I mean —do you really love me?"

He wanted to laugh at that question. Or tell her that she could've just slapped him across the face and it would've hurt less. "Wow! Never in my dreams had I thought that you would question it." He smiled sadly. "How do you want me to prove it to you, Khush? You expect me to jump from the top floor of a building like some filmy hero or —"

"Shut up." She said sharply. "Sit down." She made some space for him on her bed next to the desk. She stared at him for a long moment and sighed. "You have led me to believe that your love for me is all about what you want from me, Kabs. I don't think I am in the picture at all. Because you are conveniently ignoring what I want."

"I feel you are in denial, Khush and I don't know why." He muttered through clenched teeth.

"The feeling is mutual, Kabs." She smiled. "And see? We are back to the same conversation again. So now, if you will excuse me, I have work to do."

"Are you cutting me off from your life because I said I am in love with you?"

"Love! The expression of this emotion needs action more than words, Kabir. Unfortunately, I don't see any from you. You need to walk the talk when you say you love someone!"

"I don't know what to say or do anymore! God, what do you want from me, Khush?" He asked helplessly.

"Everything we had!" She cried and felt her throat tighten up as the pent up emotions swirled inside her heart. "Give back everything that we have lost between us, Kabs. Give my buddy back to me! Give back those easy conversations I could have with you, those carefree laughs and those smiles. Give back those songs, those hikes, those stupid things we did together and that madness which I cherish in our friendship. Make it all okay, Kabs. Because I miss my buddy Kabir before you—" Her eyes welled up, and her voice quivered as she fought hard to not give in to the tears which had begun to come very easy of late. "And I am tired. God, I am so tired of fighting you Kabs. I don't want that sense of guilt you impose on me every time we talk, your finger which keeps pointing at me as though I have done something awful to you, those insinuations, those taunts and that anger —and everything else. Can you?"

He swallowed hard looking into her eyes. He raised his hand to touch her but held back. "I miss you too, Khush. Everything you said, I want all that back too."

"Then let's work towards it. Take this time off Kabs, just like me. Think about all we've talked about just now because I am going to do the same. When I come back, hopefully, you and I will be in a saner frame of mind. Maybe we can look at our situation more objectively then?" She pulled her chair closer to him and looked into his eyes "We have grown up together, Kabir. I don't wish to lose a precious friend, and I don't want to lose what we have—ever."

A tear rolled down her eye and sliced his heart into two. He swallowed the lump in his throat and stared at the tiles on the floor.

"But the problem is that I don't want you to think that I am romantically interested in you either because I am far from it. I never was, never will be. If I did, there was no need to deny those feelings or run away from them. If I did, nothing in the world would have stopped me from being with you Kabs. But I don't. I never will. I will never get there because I can never look at you as anything more than my dearest friend!" She sighed. "Please listen to these words I say because I mean them. There is no denial." She took in a deep breath as she looked at him. "We need time away from each other, Kabs. And even if you don't agree at this point, I do because I don't know what else to do anymore."