The Secret

Prologue

Have you ever lived with a secret? Have you ever had to plan everything around this one particular thing? This thought that consumes your mind 24/7. I do. I’ve been dealing with this secret for the past year. Although it feels like I’ve been plagued with this disease for an eternity… My calm and quiet life went down the drain all because of a simple school camping trip. If only I could go back and change things. If only I could stop myself from getting on that bus on that cold morning of September. If only…My life would have drastically turned out differently if I had only stayed home. I probably wouldn’t be failing all my classes. I wouldn’t have lost all my friends. I wouldn’t be frightened all the time. I wouldn’t be scared of others and of myself. I wouldn’t be crippled by this secret that consumes my every fibre and frightens me to the core. I wouldn’t be afraid to live life…But because of this sickness that was inflicted on me, I’ll never be able to live without fear or anxiety or sadness… 

I can’t escape what happened to me. It follows me around like my shadow. It pierces my thoughts and paralyses my subconscious. I still remember how it happened, clear as day, as if it was only yesterday.

It happened around 11 o’clock at night. Everyone was sleeping in their tents but I wasn’t able to fall into a state of slumber. I decided to sit by the fire that was still slightly lit. I sighed and placed my palms over the flames, trying to get any amount of heat left to my hands. The sky was pitch black and the stars twinkled and shined. The full moon glistened and glimmered against the dark shadow of the night. It was one of the prettiest sights I’d ever seen. It took my breath away. The sky never looked like that in the city. There were stars but not as many as out here in the woods. With all the trees and the numerous stars, everything seemed as if it went on forever. As if there was no end to what was out there. It gave me the feeling that anything was possible and it made me feel free. I smiled and stared up at the sky, taking in all its beauty. 

Crack!

I jumped and let out a small shriek. My heart was pounding in my chest and I tried to catch my breath. Something was out there…

“Hello?” I whispered, looking around but I was blinded by the darkness. 

I heard the rustling of tree branches beside one of the tents in front of me. My stomach churned. I could hear a low noise come from behind the trees. 

“Hello?”  I said a little louder but then the noise ceased. Everything went silent. I let out a breath and shook my head. I chuckled at how easily frightened I was for nothing. I obviously read to many scary books for my own good. I sat back down and once more placed my hands over the fire. The flame was almost completely out. Then, a gust of wind passed and the fire was completely gone. 

“Damn it…” I cursed that my only source of heat and light was gone. I sighed and stood up, making my way back to my tent. It was pitch black and I hoped that I didn’t trip over something before getting to my tent. As I stepped forward, I heard a growl. My blood ran cold and my whole body tensed. 

“Is someone there? This, this isn’t funny.”

Nothing. No one answered. Everyone was nicely tucked in their sleeping bags, while I was alone out here in the dark with the unknown…Maybe it was just a squirrel or a rabbit or some harmless animal. But…they wouldn't make that noise.Were there wolves in the woods? I’d never been in the wilderness before…What other animals growled and roamed the woods at night? 

I was scared shitless and started panicking. So, I did what any other city girl would have done…I ran. I ran for my life in the other direction. I was so scared that I didn’t even realize how far I was running. I was so consumed by what I had read in books and seen in scary movies that I didn't even stop to think of how stupid I was being. I stopped to catch my breath and looked around. I was now even deeper into the woods than before and I only had the lights of the stars to guide me. I was bent over, trying to get as much air I could into my lungs.