The Stressful Realities

Typical Morning

Time is odd, slow and dragging when feeling down yet speeds up when experiencing a time of joy. The moments most memorable and enjoyable vanish from the present so quickly, while we are left to suffer from the pains we experience through a dragged out extension in time, an hour feeling as if an eternity could pass.

Happiness is short lived, while pains are everlasting. At least for me they appear to be. I just wanted an average, cliche lifestyle of the teenage girls from 90's films. Cliche romances, cliche family and friends are better than the internal numbness and loneliness I now feel.

I believed so many times I was going to be happy, experiencing what I knew would not last yet I was determined to make myself believe it would. Trying so hard to create my own happiness. It may seem slightly unnecessary and dumb, but yes, I'm speaking of a need of romance, an experience I believed would fulfil
my satisfaction in the teenage world.

I stand here, again, in front of my mirror. Unhappy. As per usual thinking about the ways I need to change, the things I could do to be validated by a guy, to seem worthy of their time. I could do with a weight loss. Maybe try out some makeup? Change my hair colour, my smile and attempt a new laugh. Creating a new personality for validation becomes exhausting, and hard.

Currently 7:30am on a Monday morning, the need I have to prepare myself for my day of schooling is unnecessary, yet I comply with my tasks including the straightening of my fluffy light brown hair. Although I do lack the care of what people think of me, I struggle with the need of validation and to fit in, believing my straighteners hair will create a safe space to hide behind and cause a sight one may like. Although unlikely.

I walk over to the bathroom and begin to collect my straightener and hair cream as I begin to perfect my hair.

Half an hour later and my hair has become completely straight and flat, I attempt smiling, trying to make sure I don't appear too unappealing for when others see me. Although I do not approve, I realise I am staring to run out of time and carry on to prepare for school. Dressing up into my schools uniform of black jeans, a plain white T-shirt with the logo upon the front and a pair of plain black vans.

I pack all my books, school laptop, drink bottle and pencil case into my lilac coloured Hurley school bag as I begin to make my way out to the kitchen. While I contemplate whether I am hungry enough to eat this morning I begin to fill my drink bottle with refreshing water from the fridge, I decide that I lack hunger and make my way to the front door. Noticing everybody had already left for their days of either work or appointments I grab my keys and lock the front door as I exit.

I approach my small silver Hyundai Getz and head off towards the school. My car clock reading 8:30 leaving me 30 minutes until my 1st period. I blast my music to soothe my drive towards the destination that will cause me stress for the next 6 hours. Throwbacks are a great way to zone out of today's society, to listen to the music of artists such as Destiny's Child provides a great nostalgic feeling.

With the drive being no longer than 5 minutes, I park my car of to a far corner and retrieve my bag, slinging it off of my shoulders as I approach the gates of the large school. As I wander into the school grounds multiple people of the younger year levels are running around and almost cause me to stumble, I wouldn't be surprised if a fight had broken out and they are all running like thoughtless sheep to view a punch up. It would only be the 3rd on in the past 7 days. I swiftly avoid as much contact with the passerby's as possible and continue on to my locker.

Placing my bag within the small compartment, I collect the requires items of my first lesson, which for a Monday morning would be mathematical methods a class I had decided upon as I believed I was smart enough. So far I have proven myself wrong.

With still multiple minutes left until classes, I decide to hide away in a building and attempt at some of the class work before the lesson, attempting to catch up on what I have become lazy in doing. Year 11, a time of which I should be concentrating and thriving, yet I am only struggling in more ways than one.

I attempt to study in this peaceful environment as I await the time to pass, it's slow as I endure the suffering of the mathematical equations in-front of me. I read and read and solve and solve, becoming slightly annoyed I view the time and realise I have but a minute until the bell for first period to begin. I then begin to close my book and close my pencil case as I make my way over to the first lesson of my day. My group of friends already waiting outside the classroom door for me to arrive. A small shriek from one of the girls causes me to unsteadily laugh, rushing over so we can all take our seats.