Behind The Smile

Part one

Suicide
Is the first thing that comes to mind
After a long day
Tired of teachers screaming like seagulls
Kids staring like Hawks
Tired of tears running down my cheeks
Broken mirrors
And cuts on my wrists
Tired of empty feeling
Hopeless like I'll never find a silver lining
Tired of being trapped in a hole
With no way out
But maybe there is
Scratches and scars
Already cover the indicated areas
The rough painful sensations
Feel smooth and relaxing
One last touch
To feel no pain at all
One attempt
Better work
Emotionless tears run down my face
Knowing this is
The last of me
The rush of blood comes out slowly
I begin to tremble
Shivers and goosebumps move into my skin
My numb arm covered now
With the rich red ruby swamp
Feeling slightly dizzy
Drop the razor
Slowly sliding down the wall
Taking one last look at the sun
Knowing it won't shine for me
Not tomorrow
Nor ever
The notes I wrote
Would be read by each person accordingly
It''s over
This last breath counts now
More than a Shepard
Counting his sheep
It's all gone for me
Love,feelings,emotion,life
My thoughts begin to fade
Not remembering my own name
I close my eyes
And say one last phrase
I'm sorry...