Heart Beats

Part Two

"Jessie," I whisper almost out of disbelief. I never knew he had self harmed, it just didn't seem like him. He carried himself with powerful self-confidence, an air of charm followed him. He delt with depression yes, but I never knew it would come to this. I never noticed if there were any scars on his fair skin. My mind raced to all the times we held hands, when i read his palm, he cupped my chin, and I kissed the back of his hand. I couldn't recall anything.

He looked up sensing my presence, because i doubt he could hear me. Jesses hazel eyes widened in shock and opened his mouth as if to say something but nothing came out. What would you say at a time like this. He lifted the razor slightly, a small bit of blood had welled at the surface of his skin. It was as if he had just frozen into place. I bit my lip hard, the metallic taste of blood seeping onto my tongue. I walk into the room fully, closing the door shut behind me softly. I felt the coming sting and pressure of tears behind my eyes. I forced them back, this was not a time to cry, I had to be strong for his sake.

I padded over to the nightstand and grasped the remote to the stereo, and turning the volume down several notches. It now played as slightly loud background noise. He pulled the razor back all the way, blood beaded on the steel blade. Jess looked up at me with those hazel eye I came to love. Then he lowered them, directing his gaze at his wrist. I sit down on his bed, pulling my leg underneath me. Thankfully there was music playing or else it would have been dead silent.

"Brooke," he started to speak. He didn't know where he was going with it. Jess shook his head out of a mix of confusion and frustration. "Look - I-I didn't mean for you- I mean-"

Gently, I take the razor from his grasp and set it on the nightstand. I intertwine my fingers with his, my other hand resting on his knee. I gaze at him, worriedly. His hazel ryes where misted over; he too was having a difficult time holding back the tears.

"Hey..." I say softly to him, but his eyes never meet mine. "I'm not going to make you explain what happened, or anything." I tilt my head to the side searching for any sort of flicker of emotion in his eyes. Jessie blinked, not saying a word. "We're going to get through this... together," I give his hand a squeeze. A slight rush of relief spread through me as he squeezed my hand back in recognition. We sit like this a moment longer before he raised his head, eyes level with mine.

"I'm sorry," he told me. I had never seen him look more frail or weak then right now. His voice wavered when he spoke.

"It's okay, don't be," I whisper, my voice barely audible, so much so I am practically mouthing the words. I lean in my lips brushing over his softly before I rest my forehead against his own. Jesses grip on my hand tightened, his other hand - blood still on his wrist - grasped the one on his knee. I watch as a single tear runs down his cheek from his closed eyes; it glistens in the dim lighting like a drop of silver. With a heavy heart I lean back.

Not letting go of his hands I pull myself onto my feet. Gingerly I squeeze his hands directing for him to follow. With a second of hesitation he stood. I release one of his hands to open the door. I lead him the few steps into the bathroom leaving the door open. He stands next to me dully as I wet a washcloth with peroxide. With my free hand I raise his hand, wrist out. I glance up at him before pressing the fabric against the small cut in his wrist. I feel him flinch as the peroxide bubbled - cleaning the wound. Dabbing it one last time with the cloth, I run his wrist under the running water, drying it with a hand towel before pulling a bandage from the shelf. Carefully I place the bandaid over the cut. A tilt my head upwards to look at him. The tear from earlier stained his cheek with a wet silvery trail. He was watching me closely, not objecting to the care I was giving him. Lowering my eyes, I bring his wrist up to my lips and place a small kiss upon his skin. I lower his hand back to his side, sliding my fingers through his own. I felt his fingers beneath my chin and I look up.

"Brooke..." Jessie started. Again he didn't know where he was going with this. He felt like he should say something, but nothing would make this right. He watched her finally looking her in the eye.

I wait patiently for him to say more, but he doesn't. I reach up with my free hand and wipe the escaped tears from his cheek. Never before had I seen him cry.

"You don't need to explain," I whisper to him. "I'm not going to make you, please don't feel obligated. If you need to talk to someone I'm just a phone call away, baby."

Not finding the right words he simply wrapped her in his arms. A bit startled, I relax under his touch and held him close. Jessie rested his head on top of my own. He freely let the tears escape. I listen to his heart beat, a constant rhythm, that my own synced to.