The Boy I Love

Booking

The other not-so-fun thing to think about, related to the rapidly nearing end of the tournament, is that it'll be over. And then what? I care about Leo more than anyone else in my life excepting Vick (and maybe my parents if they actually attempted to exist in my life), and I hate the idea of not being around him as much as I have been during the tournament. I don't even know where he lives, he could live thousands and thousands of miles away from me. My heart clenches painfully at the thought.

I almost consider throwing my match today. I don't, because Coach Turner went through so much to get me here at all and throwing that away intentionally seems despicable and thankless. Leo also wins his match, unsurprisingly.

The days seem to fly by, every one a step closer to my match against Leo, and then the end of the tournament... I hold him tighter and kiss him longer with every passing day, and he definitely notices. He doesn't say anything, though. Which likely means that he's thinking the same things I am.

When we're only a day away (semifinals today, then finals tomorrow) he finally breaches the topic. "Tyler... if we both win today..."

I hug him closer to my chest. We're sitting on my bed, cuddling between make-out sessions. "We'll go to the finals. I know."

He curls up to me a little more. "I... I don't want to..."

I know exactly how he feels without him having to finish the sentence. "I know," I whisper. "I don't want to either."

We're both quiet for a moment. "Tyler?"

"Yeah?"

"I think... we should come up with an agreement."

"For which of us should win?" I'm pretty sure that's against the rules.

"Well, no. I don't want to wrestle you the way that I usually do- evasive maneuvers until the other guy gets tired so that I can catch him off guard and pin him. I don't want to do that to you. So I think... we should just say that we don't try to avoid getting pinned."

"So, whoever's on the ground first..."

He nods. "I know it sounds awful, and it's probably against the rules, but I don't want to actually have a match against you. It'd feel like tricking you, the way I usually do it. Beat you down and then go for the kill. But I don't want to just let you win either, because that feels wrong, too. This way, we'd have an actual match, up until one of us got close to being pinned."

I nod a little, though I'm pretty sure we both know that if that's how we do this, then I'll almost definitely win. Pinning people immediately is my entire strategy, and with someone who isn't even avoiding it? Unbelievably easy. "I guess so. But... you've told me that this tournament is really important to you."

He shakes his head. "It's fine. Second place has a cash prize too."

I blink. "Cash prize?"

His gaze holds mine intently. "Yes...? For first and second, though. So we'll both get something either way."

I gently stroke his cheek with my thumb. "Why is the money so important?"

His eyes are wide. Like he didn't mean to give that much away. "I- Tyler, it's fine."

"Please?"

He swallows and looks down. I can't tell if his eyes are still open or not. He takes a breath, then asks (very quietly), "Where do you think my scars came from?"

"I- I don't know," I whisper. "I didn't want to push."

He looks up at me. "I'm gay. Guess."

My mouth goes completely dry. "No. Leo, please no."

He drops his head again, and I think he's crying now. "I didn't want anyone to know, but someone saw me... with a guy. Kissing. It went downhill- or escalated- until this happened." He lifts his face to look at me again, his eyes glassy and his jaw tense. "My mom wants to move away, but we can't afford it... the money from tournaments helps a lot. We have a fund."

I think I'm crying, because my vision is blurry. "And you want me to try and win this? You need it, Leo."

He shakes his head and gives me a determined look. "No. You can't- Tyler. Both first and second place get a cash prize. And if you won, tomorrow, you'd have won fairly, on terms we agreed on. Don't you even think about letting me win. This is what I want."

I close my eyes, and I feel the tears streaming down my cheeks. I squeeze my eyes shut, increasing the stream of tears for a second before I open my eyes again, looking at him through my still tear-blurred eyes with a huge lump in my throat. I can hardly even get the word, "Fine," out. He slumps a little in relief, and I tug on him until he's firmly in my lap where I hug him as tightly as I can.

Leo wins his semifinals match, and I seriously consider throwing mine so that he'll win the tournament, but tell myself that many, many people, most likely including Leo, would be severely disappointed in me if I did. And if I'm in the final match against him, I might at least be able to convince him to take the money I'd win in addition to his own, which I'd hope would help him move away from wherever he's living right now.

So I win my semifinals match too.

I don't shower right after my match. Instead, I go down to the hotel gym. Vick finds me clobbering a punching bag. I stop when I see him, my strength draining away. I fall into the nearest chair and focus on chugging water so I don't break down.

Vick pulls up a chair next to me. "How're you holding up?"

I bark out a dry laugh.

"That bad?"

I sigh. "I don't want to beat him. He needs it way more than I do. He should win."

"He might. He's probably the only person that could. He wins by escaping from near-pins and exhausting his opponent. If he escapes your first move, you'd probably lose. You have no endurance."

I look away. Because it's true- if Leo was going to try to beat me. But we agreed that we'd let the first almost-pin decide the winner.

"He's not going to try to beat you," Vick says quietly, realizing this. "Neither of you guys want to beat each other- you can't preplan matches, though. That's against the rules."

It's not, actually. "I checked. That only applies if there's some kind of preplanned gain involved." It doesn't say anything about roommates who are gay for each other.

Vick is silent for a moment. "Then... what are you going to do? Throw it to him?"

"He doesn't want me to let him win."

"Sheesh. This boy of yours has a lot of pride."

"He's good. He'd beat me if he really, really wanted to."

"I know he would. You'd lose as soon as you didn't get a ten-second pin."

I look at him out of the corner of my eye. He's smirking a little. "Thanks."

"I mean, it's probably true. And against Leo, whose entire strategy is exactly that? You'd fold."

"Yeah, I know." I huff a little. "He should win. He's done a lot more work during this tournament than I have."

"Everyone's done a lot more work during this tournament than you have. You work hard for like, twenty seconds max every day. Do you even break a sweat?"

"Moron." My heart isn't in the insult. The corner of my mouth quirks up a little as I look at him, and he gives me a small grin.

"I'm not saying you don't deserve to win the tournament. If you won, it'd be well-deserved."

"Leo deserves it more. And he needs it more."

"I agree. But from the sounds of it, he doesn't. Or at least he doesn't think that matters. So you're going to win anyways."

I sigh. My chest hurts. "I know."

What do you think of Tyler and Leo's agreement for the title? How about Leo's situation? Any predictions for how the final match will turn out?

Thank you so much for reading!