Ain't Nobody Like You

Chapter Forty-Four

Hand on the small of my back, he leans down and kisses me. I barely have time to kiss him back when he pulls away and starts cussing out Paul. I turn off the sink and watch as he leans against the counter, memorized by him for a moment.

When tour is over, he'll be done filming and we've decided to officially publicize our relationship.

After over a year of dodging relationship questions, playing us off as nothing more than friendly and professional to the media- we're ready. We did it to protect our relationship, to keep what's personal private. But we've reached a secure point where we can acknowledge publicly that we're together.

It's exciting to think about. Even more exciting to think about how things will be once we're officially outed. I'm a bit nervous too, but in a good way.

While we go out occasionally in Detroit where we can live our most normal lives, taking the kids to the park,  grabbing some food or a late night drive, we know where to go and how to keep a low enough profile not to get spotted. We're careful who we tell and what we do. But I'm looking forward to going out without having to worry we were seen together. That we can kiss whenever we want, hold hands. Go to all the award shows, parties, concerts, and anywhere else as a couple. Answer the question "Are you seeing anyone?" with "Yes, Marshall Mathers."

And I know once everything is public, nothing will be the same and it won't be easy. We'll be on the cover of every magazine, with a different rumor about us every week trying to destroy us. Paparazzi will follow us everywhere. Every move we make will be examined under a microscope more than it already is. This little bubble we've created will be popped and we'll never know peace again.

But that's our lives already, individually, and so we'll be able to handle everything that happens- good and bad- together as always. This is huge for us.

From the second I first met Marshall, my life has changed. Corny, I know, but it has. I didn't know love like this until I met him, didn't even think it was meant for me. Now we've created a home together here in Detroit- crazy in love and deliriously happy.

Everything is falling into place. I can see my whole future with Marshall so perfectly. But is what I envision the same as what he does? 

Marshall looks at me, rolling his eyes in playful annoyance. But my face must read all the stress and conflict I'm dealing with in my head because he mouths, concerned, "You okay?"

I'm not sure how to respond to him. I could brush it all off. Put a smile on my face and continue on as normal. Or, I can tell him what's on my mind- what's been on my mind these last seven months even.

Something in me has finally clicked. I never meant to keep any of this from him. It just never felt right before. And as more time passed it became easier not to mention it. But I can't do it anymore. I hate that I'm hiding a huge part of my heart from him. 

In a day I'll be leaving for the rest of tour- fifty shows nationwide for four and a half months. And with our whole life about to change after tour, going public with our relationship, everything is happening so fast and this is one of our last days of normalcy. It feels like the only opportunity I'll get to have this conversation with him. A now or never moment. And I want to tell him everything. About the miscarriage. About wanting kids. I need to be completely transparent with him. 

Seeing something is off with me he abruptly shuts his phone, I think cutting off Paul mid sentence even, and closes the distance between us.

"Whats up?"

There's still time to make something up. Blame it on tour stress or PMS or something. But I realize...I can't. I can't keep this from him any longer. Any of it. 

I didn't plan on having this conversation today obviously, but it should have been said a long time ago. 

Where do I even begin?

"I've been...thinking." I pause, unable to piece together how I should word this yet.

"Yo, you worryin' 'bout tour again?" He guesses, knowing I've been upset about leaving, placing his hands on my hips, "Baby, don't be stressin'. I'll fly to you every damn chance I get, even if it's only for a couple hours. And the girls are already plannin' on callin' you twelve fuckin' times a day." he chuckles, "Four months apart will be fuckin' torture, and I'mma miss you like crazy, but we got this. A'ight?

I love him. I love him so damn much. 

That's not even what I'm stressing about at the current moment, but I'm instantly comforted knowing he's right. No matter what, no matter what I'm about to say, we got this. 

But when I open my mouth, I'm completely out of my mind mortified when the words, "We should have a baby." slip out.

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A/N

I sincerely apologize for the delay in updating. I'm the worst, I know. Life has been rough and I just couldn't write. Mostly it was just finding the time and having writers block- I really didn't know how to write this chapter and the next. But I will definitely admit there were times I could have been writing and I just didn't- I've been completely burned out. I love writing this story and want to write it for fun. Not forcing myself when I have zero motivation to. 

But wow, I came back to so many notifications and new readers. I'm glad everyones been enjoying it. 

Also a little side note. Before I went completely MIA, I went through all my chapters. Edited mistakes and fixed continuity problems. But I also made a few changes. I don't think it would effect reading future chapters at all, but if there are references to changes in my writing I'll try to make a note of it in the A/N to avoid confusion. I just wasn't satisfied with a lot of what I wrote, I never am lol, and finally edited it. its easier now that I have so much written to see where the story is and stuff to go back and edit. Plus I loved getting to read it all again, because I forgot most of what I wrote lol.