Brandon and Billie: Oneshots

To Brandon's New Female Roommate

20. Drinks when absolutely pissed off at his father. And then becomes a mopey, upset mess and won't do anything for the rest of the day. (Get ready to take care of him)

21. Leaves after shower in small towels around his waist. (Keep napkins on hand for your drool.)

22. Won't stop pinching your side and legs just to see you squirm because you're ticklish.

23. Implements some stupid rule when you can only get wasted three days a week. (You never used to drink, but you know, living with him takes a massive toll of you.)

24. Stops buying alcohol if you get drunk more than three days in one week.

25. Hides the alcohol if you protest. (Check the second to last drawer of the right side of his dresser. That's usually where he hides it.)

26. Likes deep, analytical thrillers when all you want to do is get wasted and watch idiotic comedies. (As a result, movie nights are usually spend arguing over a movie.)

27. Always, always, always out to prove you wrong or compete against you. (Granted, you will do the same, but semantics.)

28. Acts like a scared little boy when you're on your period. (Granted, you will probably be throwing fruit and remotes at him, but still.)

29. Can do your hair better than even you can.

30. Personal space doesn't exist with him. (Not totally unwelcome, but something to keep in mind if you bring a guy home. They will ask if you're sleeping together.)

31. Bitches for hours about you leaving your music notes everywhere. And then bitches for hours about the music notes he trips on. And then bitches for hours about his injured ass.

32. Ruins' your girls' nights by being utterly suave and charming and then all your friends will want to talk about the rest of the evening is how hot he is.

33. Goes topless when the AC breaks. (Too attractive for his own good so don't be surprised if you find yourself ogling him. It's perfectly normal.)

34. Plays basketball in your living room with the mini hoop he insisted on putting up on the weekend in the minimal clothing at ungodly hours of the early morning. (I'm talking 5-7 AM).

35. Invites his mom over twice a month. Said mother will continue to think you are his girlfriend so don't bother trying to correct her. It will do no good.

36. Gets oddly jealous and defensive when you mention running into exes.

37. Video game nights when his guy friends. Don't expect to get any work done.

38. Accidentally walks in on you in the shower at least twice a week because he doesn't pay attention. Learn to lock doors.

39. Some of his friends will hit on you. Don't try to fight it. It will happen regardless of the measures you take to avoid it.

40. Don't try to date anyone while living with him. They will get jealous. It is inevitable.

41. Leaves you stranded on the toilet with no toilet paper as punishment for forgetting to buy some.

42. Forces you to sleep, drink tea, and take medication when you're sick. Handcuffs you to the bed if you protest. (say goodbye to powering on.)

43. Get jealous, annoyed, and/or irritated when you hit on his friends. (So by all means, do it all the time.)

44. Turns into a huge, clingy puppy dog when he's sick and won't let go of you.

45. Nice and warm. Very, very warm. Beware if he ends up in your bed for whatever reason.

46. Gets really, really horny when wasted off his ass. Really horny. So steer clear because he'll get pretty touchy feely.

47. His morning wood. It will accidentally poke you at some point whether when making breakfast or passing you in the bathroom. Pretend it didn't happen or shit it will get awkward.

48. Don't provoke him by wearing a t-shirt and a thong. You'll get just as turned on when he's taking a cold shower, and then you'll both be frustrated all day.

49. Leaves passive aggressive post-it notes all over the apartment if you forget to do things around the place.

50. And whatever you do: Do not, for fuck's sake DO NOT bring up him insisting on being called Kane when he was younger. He will get mad.

Brandon Adams is an annoying son of a bitch. But...at least he cares, and he's going to be your best friend whether you want him to or not. So go easy on him. He's a great guy.

Best,

Billie O'Connell.

______________________________

Long time, no see. I will be trying to update this book a couple times a week from now on.

Cheeky Self Promo:

And I also have a new book called Untamed. So go check it out if you like!

Book Description: 

Billie lives in a very small conservative early 20th century western town at the ripe age of 19, where all women do her age is get married, pop out a few children and watch as their husbands come home late from screwing absolutely anybody but there own wives. Billie never liked that idea, so when one night she meets a revenge crazy young cowboy seeking a mission, she decides to jump on board with his almost insane plan, hoping to find a way to seek her own vengeance.