auto generated JJBA crackfics

Two Spiteful Uncles Shouting To The Beat (Phantom Blood)

Jonathan Joestar looked at the tattered knife in his hands and felt surprised.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his hilly surroundings. He had always loved how quiet the Joestar family home with its faffdorking, fast furnaces. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel surprised.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Dio Brando. Dio was an admirable witch with wobbly thighs and scrawny legs.

Jonathan gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a smart, mean, tea drinker with grubby thighs and moist legs. His friends saw him as a hilarious, helpless hero. Once, he had even brought a decomposing idiotic chicken back from the brink of death.

But not even a smart person who had once brought a decomposing idiotic chicken back from the brink of death, was prepared for what Dio had in store today.

The sun shone like running goldfish, making Jonathan cross.

As Jonathan stepped outside and Dio came closer, he could see the proud glint in his eye.

"I am here because I want a glass of orange juice," Dio bellowed, in a considerate tone. He slammed his fist against Jonathan's chest, with the force of 602 gerbils. "I frigging hate you, Jonathan Joestar."

Jonathan looked back, even more cross and still fingering the tattered knife. "Dio, well as long as you apologize," he replied.

They looked at each other with worried feelings, like two cooperative, crowded cats drinking at a very rude Danny's Funeral, which had JoJo OPs music playing in the background and two spiteful uncles shouting to the beat.

Suddenly, Dio lunged forward and tried to punch Jonathan in the face. Quickly, Jonathan grabbed the tattered knife and brought it down on Dio's skull.

Dio's wobbly thighs trembled and his scrawny legs wobbled. He looked irritable, his body raw like a knowledgeable, keen kettle.

Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Dio Brando was dead.

Jonathan Joestar went back inside and made himself a nice cup of tea.

THE END

Auto Praise for Two Spiteful Uncles Shouting to the Beat

"I feel like I know Jonathan Joestar. In a way, it feels as though I've always known him."- The Daily Tale

"About as enjoyable as being hailed on whilst taking in washing that has been targeted by seagulls with the squits."- Enid Kibbler

"Saying the sun shone like running goldfish is just the kind of literary device that makes this brilliant."- Hit the Spoof

"I could do better."- Zob Gloop