wonderstruck// Tyler Joseph

thirty eight | as i was leaving too soon

I accidentally met one of the girls on my way to the library tonight. I think that I was a little bit mean to her. It's probably because I haven't slept in forever.

I feel really bad though. She was just asking for directions, and I went off on her for no reason.

But she wasn't afraid to talk to me. It was like she didn't even care that I was a prince. She treated me like I was normal, and I really appreciated that. Just the way she spoke, I could sense her fearlessness.

It doesn't matter though. I know that I'm supposed to fall in love and choose a wife, but I'm quite sure that that isn't going to happen. I don't want to fall in love. I don't want to get married. Is it really so crazy for me to say that I don't want to be a prince?

Whatever. I've been saying it my whole life, and it's gotten me nowhere. I'm pretty sure that I'm stuck here. I'm gonna pick a girl who I have no interest in, and we'll get married and have kids and I'll be miserable. It sounds perfect!

Anyway, I wonder what that girl's name is. I really should've memorized all of their names before they came.

-Tyler

"Oh my gosh..." I gasped, my mouth hanging open. "I can't believe you have a whole journal and you never showed me any of it!" I exclaimed, looking at Tyler, who sat across from me on his bed.

"There's private stuff in there! I didn't want you to read it in the first place," he stated.

"Can I read more?" I asked, pouting my lips for added affect.

"Fine," he groaned.

December. That's her name. She told me it today. It's really a lovely name. I'd never heard it before.

It seems to fit her too, and not only because she was born in December. It's probably because her eyes are icy blue and it reminds me of wintertime.

Obviously I don't know her very well, since we just met, but I feel like she understands me. I mean, she listened to me, and I actually felt like she cared. At least I'd be able to befriend one of the girls here.

Not that I didn't like the others, they were nice, but it was different with them. They either were trying to impress me, or they simply didn't care to talk to me. You could tell who signed up just because they wanted the crown.

Little do any of them know, I don't even want the crown. And I already have it. Well, except for December. She knows.

-Tyler

"Aw, I like how you always write about me," I stated jokingly. He stared back at me blankly.

"Do you want me to take that away from you?" He scolded. I quickly shook my head, turning over more pages to find something interesting. I was glad he was letting me look through it. It was like an insight into his mind.

I kissed her.

I have no idea how I managed to do it. It just felt right. We were both in the moment, and I just started leaning in. And she did too.

"Hey! What page are you on?" Tyler asked, leaning over to take a better look. When he recognized what journal entry it was, he pulled the book back. "No way! You aren't reading that one!"

"Why?" I whined.

"Because it's embarrassing!"

"It's just about our kiss, come on! Let me read it," I begged. He finally gave in, sighing as he handed me back the journal.

I had never kissed anyone before. And even though I feel so stupid for saying this, it felt magical. I felt butterflies in my stomach and it was like I was on fire.

I don't know what it's supposed to mean though. Whenever I saw people kiss on TV, it usually led to the characters admitting their love for one another. But neither of us had even addressed it. I just stayed next to her the entire time, and we talked, like usual. So does that mean that the kiss was nothing?

I'm really dumb. Especially when it comes to this kind of stuff. Because I don't know what I'm supposed to do, and thinking about it just scares me. How am I supposed to tell her that I like her?  How can I even like her in the first place when I'm so desperate to leave the palace? I can't marry her and become the king. I don't want that.

I guess we'll both have to figure it out. Whatever it is though, I still want her to stay by my side.

-Tyler

It felt weird to read Tyler's thoughts. I had spent so much time during the last few months of knowing him wondering how he felt and what was going on inside his head. And now he was letting me read a journal full of all of the mysteries about him that I had previously pondered about.

We just got back from France. December came along because she wanted to make sure I didn't miss an opportunity to escape. Well, that didn't happen.

She was missing home, so I told her I'd get her back to visit as soon as we got back. I wasn't even thinking about escaping at that point. I knew I had to be with her.

I don't even know if I would be ready to just get up and leave. I've been imagining different scenarios for the longest time, ones where I'm living in Italy, walking around like a completely normal person. But if given the chance, I'm still not sure I could do it.

I really don't know what I'm going to do. If I'm going to end up staying here as a prince, or if I'm going to move away somewhere and live a normal life. I'm unsure of everything.

For now, I'm just going to go to New York with December so she can see her family. I've never been to her apartment before, so I'm excited to finally see where she lives. It kinda feels like I'm just going to a friend's house to hang out. I've never done that before.

-Tyler

I smiled as I read the page. We were both a little confused all those months ago, about how we felt and whether or not Tyler should stay. I was glad we had managed to figure those things out. We did have a few obstacles along the way, but it led us here. Me and Tyler, together, in his brand new apartment in New York City.

a/n: two more chapters left!! chapter forty is an epilogue though