I wish,

Katie's note

Normal? The past 21 years have been normal. I'm 22 now. Normal is good, I miss it sometimes. In which part of my life did it change? Did it change because of someone new? Did it change because of someone who walked out through the doors I held open to? The what ifs. It never left. A " normal" teenager would've wished for a life with mysteries and curiosity and all the fantasies that they could look back to. I don't have to look back to know that I've became a mystery, I guess it part of me to say that I hate it is idk. I don't really know what I feel about mysteries. John green wrote in "Looking for Alaska", he quotes "she loved mysteries so much that she became one. "Yes, I'll never stop quoting that amazing man. Please, I'd read his grocery lists, if he'd let me. Iykyk.

Do I regret it?

what? Not being a "normal" teenager? I guess we'll never truly know right? What I wish my normal to be is to sit in a cafe with my Starbucks, complete my assignments and stress over it for days and lose sleep. I want to lose sleep over assignments yes, not over dreams of someone I know but never met. Not to lose my mind trying to figure out why the number 9 feels odd and starts looking for signs everywhere frantically and gradually losing my mind. I want a calm, mundane, boring and yes very normal life. God. I'm 21 now, so I bid goodbye to what could've been normal. My last word could be Rosebuds,but then your actual last word isn't Rosebuds, isn't it? when your heart are at the slowest pace and death is right in front of you. Your last words arent the ones from your heart but the one in your soul. The thing is that you'll never know what your last word may be until the last moments of your life. The unknown that's what it is. Rosebuds be it my last word for everyone to remember my last word. Only the heavens will hear the whisper of my soul that says " mum, I'm coming home." Okay, enough about me. I guess the story does revolve around me. Not being self- centered I promise.

Enjoy,

Katie.