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ELEVEN

"Tae, I know." Jeongukk breathed, sensing a breakdown. "I know you wouldn't. It's okay. Really." He grasped Taehyung's hand for a moment, but the older tugged it away.

"No." He pouted, holding back tears. "It's not okay, Jeongukk. I always do this." He sniffled. "I fuck up, and then I say that I'm sorry. Like that will fix anything, like it'll change what I did."

"You didn't fuck up. Stop it." Jeongukk was quick to reply. However, Taehyung shook his head.

"I did." He nodded. "You always tell me that it's okay when I do. You give me a hug and then you kiss me and say that don't mind, but I know it hurts you. I know I make you sad sometimes, Jeongukk. That's what I hate the most. I hate hurting you."

"Tae." Jeongukk got up from his chair to kneel between his legs. He quickly wiped his tears away, cradling his face. "Hey—It's fine. Really."

"Tell me." Taehyung placed his hand over the hand Jeongukk had on his cheek. "Tell me it doesn't bother you..even the slightest bit."

Jeongukk blinked, looking down momentarily with a slow breath. "I.."

"I can't."

Taehyung sighed, sitting as tears fell from his face. "I-I'm a mess. I'm a fucking mess."

"No you're not. Quit saying that."

"This isn't the Taehyung you signed up for." The blonde was quick to say. He dropped his hands, letting them lay limp at his sides. "The Taehyung you first met wasn't so messed up inside. He's what you deserve, Jeongukkie. Not me." His breath was shaky.

"Now all I do is fucking cry!" He sobbed into his hands. "Like a fucking cry baby."

Jeongukk pried his hands away, letting him cry into his shoulder instead.

"Things were fine just a few moments ago. We could've just talked things out, but I always find the need to blow things out of proportion."

He continued to cry it out for a few minutes, keeping his head on Jeongukk as he rubbed circles on his back. The tears began to slow down. It was then, when Jeongukk finally spoke up.

"Hey." he started, Taehyung pulling his head up to meet his eyes. "There's only so long you can hold your feelings in before it comes out eventually."

"I cry all the time."

"It's good to cry." Jeongukk wiped his eyes for him. "It's normal, and you're so strong, baby." He smiled at him, caressing his cheek. "I think you deserve to be able to let your feelings out."

He sniffled. "I do?"

"You do." Jeongukk nodded, brushing his bangs out of the way. "Give yourself a little credit, hm?"

Taehyung dropped his head, nodding.

"Hey, be honest with me, babe." He grasped Taehyung's hand again, this time he didn't pull away. "What's on your mind."

Taehyung knew what he meant by that. He hadn't been truthful about how he had been feeling.

He sighed, holding his hand tight. "Gukkie," Taehyung started, sucking in a breath. "Lately, I haven't been as happy as I usually am." His voice cracked a little bit.

"I try really hard." He said truthfully. "I try so, so hard to look at things positively."

"But it's just so hard." His lip wobbled then.

"Everything just feels so suffocating. Life, everything—its all to much. It feels like I can't breathe. I can't think."

Jeongukk let go of his hand to cradle his head in his arms.

"I miss my mom." He cried.

"I miss everything. Jin-Hyung hasn't been the same. Everyone treats me like some charity case besides you and Jimin, and I can't even get mad because what happened still effects me. Everything reminds me of what happened. And it hurts, Jeongukk. It really, really hurts."

Jeongukks shirt was wet with tears again but he didn't mind them. He held him until he stopped crying again.

"Tae," Jeongukk tried to smile. "Thank you for telling me."

Taehyung returned if weakly.

Jeongukk hated how helpless he felt. In all honesty, he didn't know what to do. He wanted to help him. All he wanted for him was to be happy.

"Did you tell anyone else?"

Taehyung paused, before shaking his head slowly. "You're my best friend. You'd understand."

Jeongukk nodded.

"Guk, I don't know what to do." Taehyung tugged on the hem of his shirt subconsciously. "I don't want to feel like this all the time."

"I'm going to be honest, okay?" Jeongukk spoke.

Taehyung nodded.

"I think you should start talking to your therapist again." Jeongukk wasn't an expert on anything, he wasn't a genius. He was just a normal 17 year old boy that loved Taehyung enough to know that he wasn't going to be able to do anything but comfort him. He didn't know what to do.

He knew Taehyung would dislike the idea, but going before helped him. Jeongukk knew it did.

"Baby, I can't force you. No one can tell you how you feel besides yourself. But it might help." He wiped his tears away. "And I'll always be here to help you. I'll talk to Jin-Hyung with you about going if you want to. Anything for you."

"Jeongukk, I'm not crazy, right?" He asked.

He shook his head. "Not being able to control how you're feeling doesn't make you crazy."

"Going to therapy will fix me?"

"Tae, you don't need to be fixed. You're perfect okay?" He tried to stress that as much as he could. "Don't let anyone tell you that. Especially not yourself."

"It might help you. Give you more answers than I can."

All his life, he knew all the answers to his math tests and science exams, but for once he didn't know what to do.

Hey guys I'm SO sorry I haven't been active 😭 obviously life has been crazy especially this year 2020 is a b. Sis is fake!! So yeah.. with the time I have I've been trying to think of ways to finish the story. Cal probably won't be on here for a while so it's just me:// I'm conflicted between the two ways I'm thinking of ending the story so I'm sorry again. Just wondering though do you guys want ANGST angst or just slight angst? I'll decide in the end but just wondering.

I'm trying my best but thanks for baring with me, I see everyone's comments and messages so I appreciate it:)

<3 Zara