venting? but yeah anyways

my love life is sooo nonexistant

so the reason i thought of this and wanted to write about it was cause i saw a tiktok (wow i know what a legend) and it was like " your moles and freckles are where your love kissed you in a past life," and i was like "o shit that's pretty cool."

but then... whapow i remember that i used to have the big (little? idk the difference tbh) dipper on my left arm in freckles and if you read the first part of this (lmao as if) u probs already know that the bitch is gone. covered by scars. but anyways yeah onto the rest of me complaining.

buuut anyways so basically i haven't really dated anyone since i was like 12 (pathetic i know) and that person was also my first kiss, and they were only pecks and i've never like full on full on kissed someone (also pathetic i'm aware) and also i'm a virgin (wow so impressive i know). and imma be real honest (this is gonna be a lil NSFW so uh look away now) im actually rlly kinky which doesn't make sense since i'm a virgin right but being raised off wattpad was a trip lemme tell you. that and weird internet access as a kid.

idek if i really consider myself a top or a bottom or a switch or whatever u wanna call it. obvi i type like a bottom tho lol. but the thing is i wouldn't mind taking control but also pls pin me down nd tie me up y'know? so maybe that qualifies me as a switch or just a tease? idk i would like to idk (this is about to get even more NSFW so again, look away now children) sit on someone's dick and just chill and watch them squirm and just kinda chill rlly sexily and maybe wiggle around a bit to make it worse/better for them idk. maybe that counts as being a top lmao but maybe i'm just trying to convince myself that i'm not a bottom haha.

also please run a knife down my stomach plsss ok. put a gun to my head literally please. idk i really sound stupid now lmao but uhhhhhh also blood vial necklaces. what a fucking nut. i wanna be restrained oh mY GOOOOD. im literally gonna be single forever cause i'm no ones type but it's fine. uhh yeah anyway also i've never had a hickey which is probably obvious from my virgin status tho lmao.

also being in public but like not quite *chefs kiss babey* like just out of sight. like changing rooms, public bathrooms, the park, in the bathroom at a party (not like i've ever been to one tho), a balcony (!!!). also this is about to get really NSFW again lmaooo here we go but like whatever it's fine this is the internet so i'd really like to use a dildo (i hate that word but it's fine) on a balcony, like the suction kind and put it against the outside wall or just a window on like a high up building. i just kinda want one in general too tho uhhh YEAH ANYWAYS SO. i kinda hate myself it's fine.

ooh and about that one thing stopping me from
having sex (besides my horrible ugliness) is my insecurity about said ugliness and just my body in general too.

but that concludes my fun lil rant for today. im thinking i should write smut to fulfill my fantasies??? uh sounds kinda fun but idek how to write it i might try after this tho lmaooo. but yeah. laters.