Hard to Escape

Chapter 37

Yin Lin contacted me one week later. "Yan Xiao, this afternoon I'm bringing someone over to see you. I think you'll want to meet her."

One week later I started dancing again.

Like in the past, a gaze from the shadows still fell on me as I danced. But it was no longer so possessive that I could practically feel it on me. These days, the gaze was light and fleeting like a cicada's wings. When I concentrated on dancing, I couldn't even notice it. Only when I turned my head would I see Yin Li there, standing silently.

However, when I earnestly started dancing I would forget my surroundings. When the music sounded and I pushed open the door to the studio, it was like I was opening a door to another world. I was silent while the music played, but my hands, feet, and every part of my limbs moved in harmony with the music and expressed the greatest joy. My feet were pointed—they were the hardship that I endured and the talent I was blessed with. Sometimes, I just wanted to dance, and during those times I had no regrets over my belongings and experiences.

But most of the time, I was unsatisfied with myself. Dance interprets a piece of music that has life to it, not some dead, lifeless beat. The dancer must use her heart to feel the music. Some movements must be prolonged and some must be shortened. I could never manage to master these nuances.

After ten days of practicing the same scene and not progressing, I shut myself in the studio and practiced alone. Yin Li quietly sat in the guest room. He didn't say anything and gave me my space. But I knew very well that two days prior he had donated a large amount of money to the orphanage to improve their food and dorms. These days, he had also started preparing a charity gala and adoption procedures for the orphans.

"I want to treat those children better." When I asked why, he was calm. "I'm not a philanthropist. It's just that when I see those children, I think of your childhood. If you had met someone like me at that time, would you have wanted to disappear? Would you have experienced so much frustration and hardship?" Yin Li moved closer and rubbed my head. "I later went to the orphanage by myself. When those children looked at me, they seemed panicked. Yet they very clearly wanted to please me. When I sat down and asked them about their life, some children poured tea for me. Some even brought an ashtray and said not to mind them, allowing me to smoke. Then they split me a portion of their rationed fruit.

"They were all so sweet yet I could not help but feel that heart wrenching feeling. Being able to read others is a skill. But being able to do so at such a young age and to be so considerate is rather tragic. In what scenario would an ordinary child need to read others' expressions? I thought perhaps you also felt that way and learned that skill in necessity. I just couldn't sit there do nothing anymore."

I still remembered Yin Li's expression when he said those words. He wasn't fishing for praise. He was just warm, kind, and solemnly respectful.

I quietly accepted his answer, but I pushed myself harder in practice. Wu Ke started instructing me again.

"Yan Xiao, look. In this scene where the swan dies, you dance with more depth than before. Before you were too gloomy; the swan's despair and unwillingness before death was too exaggerated. Though it was emotionally moving, it was a bit superficial. But now, besides the grief there's also the tenacity of life. The swan is tired and spent but it still flaps its wings, hoping to touch the sky. You've captured that desperation for life." Nowadays, Wu Ke was rewatching Frank's recordings and comparing them to my current movements. Her evaluations were sharp and to the point.

"I think you don't have to practice the scene in parts now. You can try running through Odette's solo from start to finish." She smiled at me. "We can enter the competition with this variation if you want.