This is the first chapter purely because this book is made up of this hated thing. English. And no, I am not talking about England or British people. I am talking about the cursed language that millions of people around the world speak. The English language.
The history:
Old guy 1: hey fellow old guys! Let's take Latin, an already complicated language, and make it harder for no apparent reason. We will call it English. Any questions.
Other old guys: seems reasonable. Let's do it.
The reasoning: English is stupid because it makes no sense. Much like how people don't like complicated books or jokes in a foreign language, English, to a non native is extremely difficult. Not because it's a different language, but because it has repeating words, silent vowels, multiple sounds for a single letter, and the whole "Y is not a vowel" dilemma. If you were just learning a language and someone said "go take their groceries over there" you would have no clue what to do. The same word, spelled differently, with different meanings, twice in the same sentence. Yikes. But we are forced to speak it only because the lazy people of the world won't learn a second language! So if we don't speak English, you can't communicate!!!! Even if you spoke Portuguese and found it very easy, you couldn't order your lunch in Portuguese because nobody else speaks it. That's why I think that the people of the world should all learn sign language so that the people who complain about it being too loud would shut up. You will see a chapter ALL about them later in this book.
ENGLISH IS STUPID!!!! END OF DISCUSSION. people in other countries laugh at us for still having to learn our first language when we are seventeen!!! That's why if I spell something wrong in this book, it is not a mistake, it is proof that my fight against the English language lives on. It's my little symbol of rebellion. P.s. It's you grammar nazis that help to fuel my hate fire for the atrocity called English. I will not hesitate to make you very aware of that fact should you comment about my grammar. If you have any lingering thoughts about commenting on my grammar, go back, make some tea, and reread this paragraph over and over again until you end up in an insane asylum muttering the words "English bad, tea good" over and over until your brain turns into mush, unfit for even zombies to eat.
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