the thoughts and writings of a mind in tatters

dissociative identities

It's easy to feel like I'm not at home, when I look around and I'm all alone

The air is still, the room is quiet, it's hard to imagine happiness outside of this

Head is fuzzy, lungs are aching, all just signs of a breath not fully taken

I miss days that have already passed, the present days seeming to me so sad

I look to the future, not sure what to make of it

But through all this my mind is buzzing excited for once to see what comes of it

Finally I am on my way to be, the girl that i worked so hard to see

And even though I have work still to do, I'm so much closer to the goal I'm after

To quit now would insult the woman that lives inside, fighting to quiet them

They live there too, always talking and sometimes shouting

But they are not at all like her, they are more like evil and hate

That's not what she stands for, and she stands there alone

Working so hard, right down to the bone, to become the butterfly that she so deeply loves

She is always working, though she is alone, she is stronger in solitude than their rabble

Though, that she does not yet know, she is learning quickly

And soon she will be the victor of this war, even if only temporary

Her journey is long and no doubt difficult, she will not cease until she is the winner

And if she at first does not succeed, I have no doubts that she will never give in

She will continue to March until they are weakened, and if need be, till they are defeated

It's easy to feel like she's not at home when she looks around and she is all alone

But her and me have an adventure ahead of us

And they are not ready for the force they are reckoning with

Right now they are the ones in the forefront, calling the shots and repressing us

Not long from now, they will feel this stillness, the quiet will be theirs and there will be nothing for them outside of this

Though my head may feel fuzzy and my lungs may be aching, I'm so much closer to that breath fully taken

Though I miss the days that have gone, the once present is now the new past, and although sad I still hold onto that

It will soon be the future that so excites me, and at this moment the thought is exciting

Not long now till I see that girl, the one that is fighting, the one that lives inside of me

She is me, but I am not her, she is brave; I am the vessel, she is the captain, though we are different we share the same destiny

Along for the ride we both sometimes have to be, the ride is the worst when they get ahold

But we are fighting to prevent that from happening, the last time was the eye opener

Never, before then, had they terrified us so, she said enough and I hung on her words

Now here we are in a battle we must win, we have no choice it can be the only end

So wish us luck, for we are mostly alone, it's not so easy here inside of this

But the only way out is through, so we have no choice but to keep on trucking

Our March will go on, forever if it must, if you look closely you can just make out the dust

Desperate we are, for them to become silent

No more patience for their shenanigans and entitlement

They believe this body theirs, but they dont know just how much they are sorely mistaken

We just have to prove it to them, and so that is just what we will do

No matter how much time it takes, we will not quit

Known soon as the ruler of this skin, it's been so long since my throne was taken

No matter now, if you listen closely you can barely hear her shout "the queen will rise once more, you tried to ruin the woman she was born to be, but you failed miserably, that soon, you will see"

and those who doubt will be set free from their place in this castle, by the power of my weapons, love and forgiveness

and believe I carry extras such as support, and relationships

Their weight reassures me and I have no doubt that though we are alone on the inside, our only company will not be solely doubt

But do not forget, even though alone inside, out of this kingdom of skin, flesh and bone, I am loved and respected by those who so closely I hold

and that is armour I can use in these battles, inside of this vessel, full of chaos and war

Outside, the difference can already be seen, new friends being made, my mind is growing adding to my arsenal that will lead me home

Though inside she and I may fight alone, the ones who surround us make it known that even if it takes 100 years or more, outside me will always have support.

Happier we are, already changing from before, the going is tough but the destination is worth it

Me and her are undoubtedly a team, we will win, we will reign as the rightful captains of this old stolen vessel, the thief's will be held to atone for their malice

After we snatch this, our victory, never again will they have power

I am sick of their ruling and torturing and abusing, I am never coming back to the position I am so set on losing

"It's easy to feel like I'm not at home, when I look around and I am all alone"

But inside, we know, we are in fact home and they are pushing their thoughts as our own

They want us to stay down, so they can stay up, I will stay low till I can no longer hide this, then we will push forward knocking them to the bottom of this

They will be surprised, and that will serve us; they do not realize the pain they have caused is what will fold them.

You would think that of all people, they would know, pain becomes power for those who are done

We are still broken, but have become fed up, so through the shards and the tatters we fight through the pain, until it is slain

Someday our story will become one of legend, and they will remember the women. The underestimated

All these years of torture and abuse has solidified my resolve, and hers too

If you haven't grasped it yet, or if you are still doubting, just wait and see we will show you just how dangerous we can truly be

All those years of self destruction has taught us well how to devour them

And if you are against us we will devour you too

I am the one that they should fear and if you're doubting me then as well you should too, for I will not stop until I am on top, and on top is where I will thrive and soar

I promise you this, this much is true, I am prepared to die for this, are you?