Out of Oblivion

Chapter 7

            “Yes, come in. It’s nice to see you…” I muttered, shutting the door.

            I flinched without turning around as I heard her exclaim, “Eleanor Stanton! What the fondue is this mess? Good grief…”

            “I know…I know…really, Grace, I’m not in the mood for Mama Grace.” I shuffled over to the couch and began scraping up the papers and stacking them on the coffee table.

            “Looks like you need Mama Grace. How can you live like this?”

            Her question stung me more than I wanted it to. The problem was, I really didn’t live. I grieved over Heather, I denied the Winter Soldier, and I wrote articles. That was my life…if it could be called that.

            “Did you come to scrutinize me, or help me?” I snapped.

            Grace didn’t reply. She was gaping at my collection of files. “Does it help?”

            “What?”

            “To keep them plastered over your walls?”

            “Well, yes.”

            Grace turned to me, placing a hand on my shoulder. I stood up, holding a collection of water bottles. “El.”

            “Yes?” I asked when she didn’t say anything.

            “Look at me,” she commanded. I sighed and looked at her forest green gaze. They were glossy, as if she was going to cry. “It’s time.”

            “Time for what?” I gave her a puzzled stare.

            “Time to let go.”

            I shrugged her hand off my shoulder. “Let go? Of what? Heather?”

            “No, you know what I mean. Don’t be like this. It’s time to let go of the pain and bitterness.” She stepped towards me, but I stepped back.

            A familiar feeling began to form in my stomach. “Grace, can’t you see? I can’t let go.”

            “Yes, you can. You’re just not trying.”

            I slammed the bottles onto the ground. “You think I’m not trying? You think I’m not trying to be happy and go a day without thinking of her? You think I walk around, not trying to block out all the things in my life that remind me of her?”

            The tears slipped from Grace’s eyes, but her gaze never left me. “I know it’s hard, El, but you have to trust me! You can’t live this way anymore! You’re effecting everyone around you. Everyone knows you’re in pain. You walk around each day like a…like a fan, fanning everyone with your wretched bitterness.”

            I groaned, feeling the monster clawing at my throat. “I hate my wretched bitterness, Grace! If I could get rid of it, I would! But the only thing that could wipe all that bitterness away is if Heather were here, but she’s not, and she never will be. I’m all alone, Grace. Everyday I’m—“

            “I’m here.”

            My words caught in my throat. I was breathing so hard, I hardly heard her. All I could do was stare at her, the anger inside me shaking me to the core.

            “I’m here, El. I always have been.”

            It was then that I heard her. It was then that I broke. It was then that I felt the monster named Anger break inside of me.

            My body shook violently. My face was wet with tears and the muscles in my legs felt slushy. Grace wrapped her arms around me and held me. I’m not sure how long it was. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours. All I know is that every ounce of pain I had been harboring inside of me was emptied from my soul.

            When all the tears had been spilt, I found myself waking up, still being held by Grace, but on the couch. I wedged my way out of her embrace and rubbed my head. It throbbed harshly.

            “What time is it?” I mumbled.

            “It’s five in the morning,” I heard Grace reply.

            Stretching, I stood up and walked to the kitchen for water. When I turned around with a glass of water in my hands, Grace was standing by the front door.

            “I’d better go. Might as well get an early start at work today,” she told me.

            I nodded and she opened the door to leave.

            “Grace,” I called. She stopped and turned to me. “Thank you.”

            A warm smile broke across her face as she left.

            As I headed back to my bedroom to get ready, my steps were light and easy, as if a heavy boulder had been removed from my shoulders.