If I have Nothing (Absinthe Series 5)

Kabanata 26

Nang lumabas ako ay nakita ko siyang nakahalukipkip at nakasandal sa hamba ng pinto at pinagmamasdan ang aking ginagawa. His eyes were stern and cold.

I went to the adjacent room. Kumpara sa isang kwarto ay mas maluwag-luwag iyon, nga lang, okupado na yata ng mga  gamit niya. There was an office desk, a desktop set with a printer and bookshelves plastered in the wall. May itim na couch na nakalapat sa dingding na malapit sa pinto. There was a wide drawing table with a lamp just in between the desk and the wide window on the right.

Huminga ako nang malalim. Nauna siya dito sa condo unit na binigay ng kaniyang mga magulang sa amin. He left his old condo unit last January sa pag-aakalang doon na din ako titira.

My mother asked for a few months. After I graduated, my parents also decided that I should already live with my husband. Hindi magandang tingnan na nandoon pa rin ako sa bahay habang ang asawa ko ay nandito na sa titirahan namin.

Funny how they call it home when I don't feel anything but hatred towards him? For months that I became cold to him, he didn't ask what was the problem. Parang mas gusto niyang iyon talaga ang mangyari habang kasal kaming dalawa. I got tired of waiting for him to ask me or even tell me that he didn't want to marry me.

Lumabas ako ng kaniyang office. He's still not working yet because he's still in college pero may opisina na agad. Hindi ko maiwasan ang mainis. Why would I even stay in the same room as his? Malapad naman ang couch sa sala, sa kaniyang office din ganoon, pwedeng-pwede ako roon. Payat naman ako kaya magkakasya, maliban na lang kung ang paa ko ay lalaylay sa sahig o sa ere. Marunong naman akong mamaluktot kapag nangyari iyon.

He was still there in the door frame waiting for me. Tikom ang aking bibig nang huminto sa kaniyang harapan.

"I'll sleep on the couch. You can have the room. Ang mga gamit ko naman ay diyan na rin. I don't want to sleep beside you."

He towered over me, eyes darkening. Humalukipkip ako at matapang na sinalubong ang kaniyang tingin.

"Or you can have the couch and I'll take the bed. Basta't ayaw kong magtabi tayo." I suggested.

"We're married." Aniya na parang may ipinahihiwatig.

Sarkastiko akong ngumiti. "Don't I know that? We're only married in papers, Rhett. Hindi kailangang magtabi tayo sa kama para bigyang patibay iyon."

His jaw clenched aggressively. Taas noo akong dumaan sa kaniyang gilid upang asikasuhin ang aking mga gamit. I am glad I fit on the small space left on the door. He is a bit massive for me, sakop na sakop ang halos kabuuan ng pintuan.

Nang pumasok ako ay inilibot kong muli ang tingin sa kwarto. It was the biggest room of the unit. King size ang kama na may gray na bedsheet. The pillows were in navy blue pillowcases. Sa dalawang gilid ng kama ay mayroong cabinet na nagmumukha ring lamesa. There were lamps on both sides. Sa kanang bahagi ay may nakita akong maliit na orasan at iilang gamit.

It must be his, I thought. Ang kaliwang bahagi kasi ay walang laman maliban sa lamp na nandoon. May tv din na nakasabit sa dingding na nakaharap sa kama.

There was a small walk in closet. Hinila ko ang aking maleta patungo doon at dahan-dahang inilapag sa sahig. There was a big space on the left side. Sa kanang bahagi ay nandoon ang kaniyang mga damit. Hindi masyadong marami ang kaniya. It was as if he limited the things he had in order for mine to fit.

Tuningnan ko ang aking mga dalang damit. Iniisip kong hindi naman siguro noong mauubos ang espasyong iniwan niya para sa akin.

Narinig ko ang yabag niya at pagpasok sa walk in. I was sitting indian style on the floor while sorting my clothes. There was a second of silence after I heard his footsteps. Nilingon ko siya dahil hindi siya nagsasalita.