hot garbage / my old writing

sotd | two

"YOU ARE GIVING YOUR LIFE FOR MINE, WHICH WILL BE LOST ANYWAY." Cole writes, looking worried. (good point. mara, why are you doing this?) He tries to sit up, but can't get past propping up his elbows. 

"Well, at least you won't die by trying to sit up." I push him down softly back to his back. "I would feel better." I tried not to look worried. I would feel better that Cole wasn't going, but then I would die. And he was probably right, he's so sick he'll probably die anyway. But my mind's set. I am going.

Cole wrote on his paper, "MARA, YOU ARE NOT GOING." (paper? i thought he was writing on a chalkboard.)

I look at him with full eyes, even if he couldn't see them, and I say, "Cole, you listen, you can't even stand upright. Let me go, and you may tell Mother after I leave." I try to sound certain and orderly.

"FINE. I CAN'T REALLY STOP YOU, EVEN IF I WANT TO. I WOULD HAVE TO GO ALONG WITH IT ANYWAY. OKAY. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?" Cole writes, sighing. (wow, that took a lot of convincing -_-)

"Great. If Mother, Drake, or Shiva wakes up in time to go to the Leaving, stop them. I don't care how you do it, just stop them. I can't let them go. They would recognize Father's cloak. I will be putting lavender, chamomile and valerian in dinner tomorrow tonight, and you and I will eat before then so we don't get sleepy. That should make them sleep in for long enough to where they would miss the Leaving. They'll only need a small shove to sleep in, and the oil and herbs should be just enough." I sigh. (we love drugging our family to sleep.) "At the Leaving, I won't talk much, and when I do, I will talk like this." I say in my deepest voice possible, "Yes, my name is Cole Dunstan." I switch back to my normal voice. "Is that convincing enough?"

Cole grins, and writes, "NOPE, NOT ONE BIT. IT SHOULD BE ENOUGH FOR THOSE GOVERNMENT ASSEMBLY MEMBERS, BECAUSE THEY DON'T EVEN CARE."

"Okay, fine." I say in my low voice. I laugh. "Okay, I'm glad you decided to help. (why did you emphasize "decided"...?) I'll see you on the other side, Cole." (this isn't related to the writing, but that made me think of hamilton.) 

< < < < > > > > (wow young mckenna, cool transition.)

We went through the next day as normal, except I mowed more than fifty-five lawns today. My old record was forty-three. I work extra hard today, knowing it is my last day able to do all those things. (love that we don't get to see any aspect of mara's life except at home, when it's the most boring. great writing, me.)

When I get home, I get some lentil beans out of the icebox and put them in a pot with some water. When the lentils are warm, I take out two bowls and fill them with the soup. One for Cole, one for me. I make sure nobody is there, then I pour a fifth of our bottle of lavender oil into it, along with a bit of chopped up valerian, a few petals of chamomile, and finally, to hide all those spices, bay leaves, pepper, salt, garlic, some carrots and onion, and finally some cumin. I taste the soup, and it tastes like the best lentil soup I've ever tasted. (that sounds disgusting.) Then I look at the mess I've made. Oh, well.

I clean up the spices and put them away, then make some bread dough and stick it in the oven. 

As I bring the bread out, Mother comes in and sits down in a chair, dark circles under her eyes and her expression resting dull and tired on her face. I suddenly feel like I hadn't accomplished anything today, hadn't worked whatsoever, seeing her so tired like that. 

"Mara!" Shiva came running in, hugging me tight. "I worked Mother extra hard today! We cleaned the entire apartment, walked outside a few laps, and had a full conversation with the baker around the corner!"