Afterwards

Part 2

Two minutes into the ride the conductor announces it is time to collect tickets. You don't have one and that's what you'll tell them. They will just kick you off at the next stop...you hope. "Lippu...Lippu..." The conductor calls out setting all patrons in motions. Digging into their pockets or bags to hand over their tiny document showing their right to be on this train. You on the other hand have no ticket, therefore, no right to be on this train. As the conduct gets closer, you feign being occupied with your sleeping baby. "Onko sinulla lippujenne?" The conductor asks standing over you waiting patiently for you to hand over your ticket. You slide your hand into the side pocket of the diaper bag sitting in the seat next to you, as if your ticket was there. You jerk your hand as you pretend to search for this "missing ticket". Then, check the outside pocket on the other side of the diaper bag. You look up at the conductor putting on the most innocent face, "Anteeksi, sir, tiedan, etta se on taalla." You continue your search for a few more minutes. Looking up at the conductor to apologize after holding him there pretending to search for a ticket you knew you didn't have, "Olen pahoillani. Menettanyt lippu. Lahdin seuraavassa pysahdyksessa." He looks around showing irritation, "Odota taalla palaan lippusi." then continue his task of collecting tickets from the others on the train who really had tickets. He says to "wait" like you have a choice. Where would you go on a moving train with a baby. There is nothing else for you to do but, wait. You watch, nervously, at each person that comes towards your seat. Thinking maybe this will be the one to corral you up and put you in a small room. Like a criminal for steal a train ride. The trees pass by and time drones on, you begin to feel relax. Replaying in your mind what the conductor said. He said to wait, but he hasn't come back since. The train will be arriving to the next stop soon. All you have to do is collect your things and walk off as if you are a regular paying passenger. If he doesn't show, then that is what you will do. A few hours later, the train starts to slow as it approaches the station. You feel anxious. You haven't seen that conductor since and hope not to run into him when you leave. The train's brakes slows the cars down even more. The announcer informs every one of the up coming station. The doors open and you walk out. Easy, simple. Your get away is almost complete.Where to now? You walk to the nearest map. It shows the train routes, but you can see a few other details about the surrounding area. You are glad you took the time to learn the local language. It's much harder to read, but you put two and two to make sense of this map. You get the directions needed to get to a safe place and begin your journey. You have no money so your feet will have to do most of the work. The closest police station is about ten miles north. You take mental notes of the path to get to this safe haven and begin your journey of freedom. About three and a half hours later you came upon the police station. A white brick building with a sign with the written word, "Poliisi" attached. You stand in the same spot for a few minutes considering possible outcomes of walking through those doors. Your emotions tells you to run in screaming you've been kidnapped at the top of your lungs. But, you mind tells you to settle your nerves. Ultimately you convince yourself to walk into the station, a calm as your can possible be, to report yourself missing. You are stopped after getting through the first set of doors. "Kuinka voin olla avuksi?" The officer asks blocking your path. He was so intimating that you almost turned around and left the building. But after looking down at the only joy in your life, you pushed through that fright."I'm sorry, I don't understand." you say in your native tongue. You do, but you have no paperwork to show you should even be in this country, let along understand the language. So you plan to only speak English to any and all officers until you are sent home, safely. The officer looks at you without changing his stance and doesn't react to your words. He doesn't speak English. And now you begin to doubt the choices you decided to make. Just when you are about to give in, he holds out his hand, the universal signal for "stay", as he speaks the command. You comply, waiting for what will happen next. Moments later two officers enters into the space, the original and a different one. The new officer spoke English. "Can I help you with anything Miss?""Yes, I've been kidnapped and I need to get back home?" The baby begin to stir and you calm him. By rubbing his back until he quiets down. Then you look back to the officer. "Can you please help me?" The officer stares at you for a few minutes, then asks, "Where did you come from?" You give your home city name, recounting the last time you remember being home. It feel refreshing coming from your lips. You feel closer to home with each second you are in this station then you've ever felt since being taken. "How did you escape?" he asks"He took me to the market. I don't know which one and while he wasn't paying attention, I ran away." You don't want to give to much details, so you give him the brief retelling of your escape minus you stealing a ride on the train. There was a long pause, as if the officer was contemplating what you are telling him. The realness of it. "Follow me Miss." You follow him through the doors to the station. He takes you to what looks like a check in area. This is where he takes your finger prints and asks for more of your personal information. You give him your name and any identifying numbers associated to you. He guides you to a seating area as he takes this information with the collected finger prints to another room. You sit watching all the officers speaking in their native tongues, shuffling from one space to another. The wait was long and scary. Your mind filled with horrifying outcomes. Would they take your baby? Would they arrest you? Or they could send you right back to him. That would be the worst of any of the results from you running away. You've come so far. Much further than ever before. You've tried multiple times. But today, the results are rewarding. You picture and information came up as missing. These nice officers are going to return you to your home. It's going to take a few days to get everything in order, but you're going home. With your son. ∞ You step off the plane, babe securely wrapped between your arms. Homeland. You feel better with each step down the tamarack. One step closer to home. To welcome you back, people in suits. They greet you with assurances of your safety and smiles. You trust their words of security. They cover you in protection as they guide you into a vehicle. The ride to your next stop wasn't to long, but it was quiet. Only the coos of your joy can be heard. He's going to need a name. Not the name given by him, but one of your own liking. By the time you get into the clinic, you have the name of you first born. His name will be Felix, because he brought you joy and luck since coming into your world. You and he go through your check ups. The doctors and assistants starting with young Felix first. The pediatric doctor gives your baby a clean bill of health and you some paperwork to complete for his credentials for becoming a citizen. Your check-up went a little different. It began with questions. To many questions. The kind you'd preferred not to answer. Even though you are free, you are still afraid. You don't know how you ended up in "the cabin". Only how you escaped it. You give a vague description of your kidnapper. Never giving his name, because you never called him by name. You knew his name, but prefer not to say it. Saying his name, makes him real. You express you concern of him finding you. Repeating how he looks like the average man. He could be hiding anywhere.After your check up, you and Felix are guided back to the convoy that brought you to the clinic and on to your next stop. A townhouse. The shell is a mix of sandy colored stone and vinyl, two stories high with a simple brown door. The porch is shared with it's identical attached home. You and Felix exit the automobile greeted by a stoic lady. "Hi, I'm..""I know who you are. We can talk inside." She interrupted as she ushers you through the front door. Quietly closing it once everyone was inside.She turns to face you, "We are setting you up with a new name and credentials, but you have to tell us as much as you can about your kidnapper." The thought of him made you shudder. You really don't realize how much you tried not looking at him. Avoiding as must contact from him the past two years as he would allow. The only description you can give her is he's taller than you, with sandy brown hair and green eyes. Possibly hazel eyes. You can't remember if he has any scars or tattoos, however you doubt he has any.Repeating, "He looks like a regular guy.I'm sorry I don't have detail information for you." You apologize because you aren't helping them, but you are asking for them to keep you safe from him. How can they if they don't know who they should be watching. "Don't worry, this is why we are setting you up in a different location with a new identity." the agent replied. She pats your hand gently before going to the other side of the room where there are additional agents, waiting. They fiddle with some electronics as they discuss an action plan to catch this kidnapper. You turn to your only solace in this situation. Felix. Before the end of the day, you were given new ID, birth certificate and Social Security for you and your baby. The townhouse will be your temporary home until you can find a home live somewhere different. But, your identity is to be used until he has been caught. With a last minute check of the area and reiteration of where security will be, all the agents left. You and Felix are all that is left. ∞Five years in freedom. Your son has not had to live in fear. Growing up like a normal kid, in a good neighborhood. You have been working as a technical assistant since you been back in this country. And you like your job. You do your job as asked and nothing more. Trying to to be noticed by anyone. It's time for Felix to begin kindergarten. You take him shopping for school supplies and new clothes. Book-bag, check. Pencils, check. Crayons and markers, check. You go through the supply list checking off items as you place them into the cart. Leaving the store to head to the mall to purchase some clothes. Felix is excited because every trip to the mall includes a ride on the mall train. It's a small 3 car amusement ride used to entertain the children. "Mom, can I ride the train?" Felix asks, tugging on your shirt. "Yes, yes. After we buy you some clothes and shoes." You assure him taking his small hands into yours and leading him into the children's store. Felix isn't as excited about the clothing store as he is about the train ride, but he follows faithfully. Knowing at the end of this shopping experience would be a journey on the mall's locomotive cars. Felix loves trains. His room is filled with pictures, toys, and bedding displaying trains. You can't understand his love of trains. Maybe it fate. An arm full of clothes and 3 pairs of shoes later you are purchasing the tickets to the train. Putting a huge smile on the face of the joy in your life. While waiting for the ticket to print, you feel uneasy. Looking around before continuing, everything looks normal. All shoppers are going to and from mall stores and having conversations as normal. You shake that feeling. Returning your focus to Felix and the excitement he is exerting. Emotions that are contagious and you can't help but feel happy for your joy. Ending the trip with the train ride Felix has been looking forward to since your arrival. You still can't shake this feeling so you keep your eyes open and on alert. Since the shopping trip, you have been feeling butterflies in your tummy. A cool breeze out of nowhere sends chills down your spine. Scratching noise against the window pane, tenses your muscles. Each time these butterflies arise, you convince yourself it's because of the incoming school year. Did you turn in all the required forms? Does Felix have all the necessary vaccines? With all you have to do and work, you hope you haven't forgotten anything. The sun rises and the sun sets making the 1st day of school approaching faster than you would hope. Your baby is growing up and to fast. After dinner you and Felix watch a funny family movie before you tuck him in for the night. You walk through the house checking all locks and turning the security system on for you and his security. But mostly for your sanctity. When walking pass the sliding doors, you see a shadow in your back yard. Quickly as you can you flip on the back porch lights, no one is there. You are safe now, you say to yourself as you close the curtains, leaving the porch light on. Tonight you leave your hallway light on and bedroom doors open. You have been seeing to many shadows and feeling uneasy lately. You are awaken by continuous clatter of metal and plastic, interrupting a great dream you didn't want to end. You swing your legs out of bed, stuff your feet into fuzzy slippers, reaching for your cotton flower design robe, and set out to have a look. You yawn as you slowly enter into Felix's room to see him shoving every possible toy he can find into his favorite character backpack. The one that has a train conductor standing next to he talking train buddy. "Look who's getting ready for school like a big boy." You smile at this memory you will never forget. "Are you trying to bring you whole room?" adding with a little laughter. Felix looks up with a serious expression and answers, "No Mom, not everything. Just, like... the good stuff." He returns back to his work of putting toy after toy into his backpack. "But, you don't need t bring toys with you, your classroom has all kinds of cool toys, books, and you know...stuff." "Really!" He stops long enough to give you that look. The one that fills you heart with joy, even when it's close to empty."But, what if she doesn't have any toys I like?" "I'm sure she will. But how about you take one toy, just in case?" You walk over to him selecting his second favorite toy. Putting it into his lap while taking the other toys out of his bag."Cool!" he puts this toy in his bag and zips it closed. "Breakfast?" you shrug. "I already ate." Felix replies with a big smile. "Okay. You want to keep me company while I have some toast and juice?" "Yeah, can I have some too?" "Sure." You kiss him on the forehead and he rushes out of his bedroom door backpack in hand. He has always brought joy to your heart and today is no different. You sigh just a little, secretly hoping that the spark you're seeing in his eyes never dull as the school year goes on and new adventures give way to comfortable old habits. You and Felix finish your morning snack and head out the door. ∞You stand on the side walk waiting for the yellow bus, carrying the joy in your world, to stop at the designated location and release him back into your arms. This location is slowly becoming crowded with more parents waiting and looking. Some conversing and socializing about activities or events to come. You can see the difference between parents of new students and those of students who've been doing this for years. The bus turns the corner and all the new parents line up, an untold behavior to collect our children. Felix walks carefully down the stairs, holding onto the rail. Following directions previously given to him by either his teacher or the bus driver. As soon as both his feet were on the sidewalk, he sprinted towards you, jumping as high as his five year old body would allow him to. "Mom, guess what!" he shoutsYou open your arms catching him, stepping back a few steps to balance yourself and him. "What? Tell me everything." You place him on his own two feet, taking his hand and leading him down the street towards your home.You listen attentively as he talks about his first day at school. Felix chatted along about the many new things he has learned and express his enthusiasm for going back tomorrow. You both get into the house. and Felix hands you his back, "My teacher say you have to signs some papers." "Okay, you can go into your room and play while I get snack ready for you." Felix runs off into his room, all smiles and giggles. You smile yourself, placing his backpack on the hook by the door after taking all the necessary papers out. You place the pile of papers to be signed on the counter and begin making a small snack. "You took him from me." That voice...you don't move, not wanting to turn around. To face what you know is behind you. "For a long time I searched for you." His hands, now, on your shoulders and his face closer to you than you want. "Why did you leave me?" He pause, waiting for your response. "I got lost." The response you have practiced for so long, but hoped and prayed never to use it. "I went to the first security person I saw to ask for help, but he didn't understand English." He turns you to face him and you look down, instinctively. "Go on." he says then leads you to one of the chairs, pulls it our and signal for you to sit. You do as you're told. "He takes me to a security room, it looked like one, and I wait until another security guy who spoke English comes. I tell him I am lost and he asks me a lot of questions. I give him my name and wait even longer before they sent me here. I thought they were going to get you. I didn't know."He sits across from you, staring, looking for something. What, you don't know. What you do know in your time with him is to tell the truth. So this story you tell to him, bordered the truth and you intent for it to be believable to him. "Mom, I'm ready!" Felix exclaims, but stops short see a new face. You look to him to allow you to get up and he nods. So you get up and place a snack on the table for Felix. You grab the paperwork you set on the counter and begin filling out the requested information. All are at the table, you, him and Felix. All are silent. Felix finishes his snack and quietly returns to his room. You finish up the paperwork and go to place them inside Felix's backpack. He follows you. You hear the beeps of the security box and look up. He has set the alarm securing the home from invaders. Looking at you he say, "I have to keep you and...Felix safe." pausing before saying Felix's name as if he was trying to remember it.You do not reply. It was as if he read your mind and knew you were going to send a signal to the police that he is here."I've searched for a long time for you." He approach you caressing your face. "I miss my family. You should have reached out to me." He kisses your forehead then go back into the kitchen leaving you by the door. You want to run again, but you're not going anywhere without your son. You force yourself to walk back into the kitchen."They are watching me." you tell him in a whisper. Maybe if he knows this he will want to leave and not get caught. "Not as much as they were last year." he replied. "Even then, they only checked in one a month. When was the last time your detective called you?" he asked you.This gives you pause. In the beginning, she checked on you twice a week. The check-ins turned into frequent calls which became less frequent as the time passed by. Now that you think about it, she hasn't called you in months. Granted when you moved out of the safe house into your own place, adding a security system, she didn't have to call as much and you felt secured. But right now in the moment, your security is gone. He is waiting for your answer. "It's been a while." you acknowledge. "Well, shouldn't you start dinner?" he asks now that he is satisfied with your response. Without hesitation you commence to making dinner. Your mind is flooded with thoughts and questions. You have to let the detective know he is here, while keeping Felix and yourself safe from harm. You would text the detective, but your phone is in your purse and he has been watching you. After getting all the prep work done and the main meal ready to go in the oven. You going to check on Felix. He is playing with his train set. Much quieter than normal. You close the door as you walk inside."What you doing?" a question you ask, even though you can clearly see what he is doing."Nothing. Who's that man?" "His name is Thomas. Thomas Krill.""Is he like Ms. Sarah?""No, I met him before you were born.""Are you scared?" I didn't want to answer that question. If I speak this truth it may frighten him. I contemplate how I wanted to respond when he interrupted,"Your mother and I love each other very much. I will never do anything to hurt either of you." You look up at him and forced another smile onto your lips before turning to look at Felix."Dinner will be ready soon. Put your toys away and wash up." You get up from your spot on the floor near Felix, walking over to the man in the door, grab his hand, pulling him out of Felix's room. He closes the door and pulls you into him. Kissing you hard on the lips. You pull away, "Dinner." your excuse for this gesture. He loosens his grip and follows you back into the kitchen. The timer on the stove says fifteen minutes. That's enough time to set the table. Today you have to set it for three. He grabs two glasses out of the cabinet and a cup for Felix while you place the plates and silverware on the table. You notice how comfortable he is here and wonder how long has he known where you've been and how many times has he been in this house. Another question you will never ask him. With his help, the dinner table is set early with ten minutes left for the meal to cook. He is humming and looking a bit occupied. So, you chose this time to pick up your purse. You walk towards your bedroom. You really need to send this text, quick and discreetly. Entering into the room, leaving the door open, placing it in the usual spot. You un-zip your purse and click the power button three times. "What are you doing?" He asks stepping into your room. He's always watching, even when he's not. "Straightening up." Your attempt to a short direct reply. You try to leave, but he blocks your path. "I don't feel comfortable having you in my room." you mumble. There is no easy way to say that, but it must be said. "with Felix in the next room." you added to soften the blow. He stands there a few minutes longer. You look down at your feet, waiting with no other words. He step aside and you hurry pass him. Only to be grabbed by the back of your neck. He squeezed so hard, your knees buckled. "I'm sorry!" you squealed in pain. "Sorry for what?" "I don't know. Please." you cried out. He throws you back into the room, closing the door as he enters. "You left me." you're on the floor scooting away from him. Until your back meets the foot rail of the bed. "And you took him from me." He sits next to you, putting his arms around you. "Tell me why I shouldn't punish you." Your story didn't want to come out. You knew you were telling him part truth part lie. You have to convince him your half truth is real. "I got lost and don't know the language to say so. I didn't know anything, not where I was, not where I should be. I only know my name and that's what I gave them.""I think you are leaving something out." He's tightening his hold on you."No, They gave me and Felix a health check when we got here and asked a lot of questions. I didn't tell them much and then they gave us a new identity." You voice is trembling now and memories of the last time he was rough with you flash through your mind. "What did you tell them about me?" he asked, his hold so strong, you feel pain where he's holding. "I told them I didn't know you and I was to afraid to stare for to long. So, I couldn't give them a description of you." After a few moments, he relaxes his hold on you. He begin to place more kisses on you as his hand slips under your shirt. A knock on your door interrupts his plans, to your delight. "Mom, I'm hungry."He lets you go. You wipe away your tears, getting up to prepare dinner for your son. During dinner, your house phone rings. You don't make a move. He gets up from the table and answers the call. "Hello. Yes." he looks over to you. You keep you head down. He places the receiver down and walks over to you. "You have a call." You scoot back from the table and walk over to the line. When you pick up the receive, he presses the speaker button. "Hello." you repeat. "Hi, Debra. This is Sergeant Sarah. Is everything okay?""Yes.""Okay, I'll be checking in again soon. Bye." she hangs up to your despair. What did you just do. You should have said more. What could you have said without him knowing. But what could you have said? Nothing. "I have huge plans for us." Thomas says when the both of you are seated back at the table. "Felix, huh? I'm going to have to get use to that name. You're excused to go wash up for bed." Felix looks to you for approval and you nod giving him to okay to leave the table. With that being said, you get up and begin cleaning the plates from the table. By the time you finish cleaning up after dinner, you heard glass shatter and without thinking you run towards Felix's room. Mid-run you are tackled to the ground. You scream out for you son. Pleading for your tackler to let you go to your only joy in this world. All of your cries fall on deaf ears. Soon afterwards you hear the loud pops of gunfire along with more fragile items breaking and woods splintering. The gunfire stops. You are brought to your feet. Your eyes begin to focus and all the destruction brings fright to your mind the longer you are held in position. "My son...""Is fine. We got him out before the raid." your protecting officer interrupted. This eases your emotions. You scan over the mess made in what seem like minutes and there he was, lifeless in the hallway. The officer turn you away, leading you out the door and into a secure vehicle with you son. Your life of hiding and being afraid has ended as the sun visually sets. And like the sun, your new life will rise bringing in a safer new day.