taste // billie eilish

twenty nine

i glance at my phone to see my mom was calling me.

"billie? where are you?" she says worried.

"i'm, uh harper got in an accident. i'm on my way to the hospital right now" i say starting my car.

"that's terrible, do you want me to meet you there?" she asks quickly.

"no, she's okay. it's not that bad" i say completely lying.

i had no idea how bad it was.

for some reason i just did not want my mom going, especially if harpers parents are there. i don't think my mom and hers would get along very well.

"okay, please let me know if you need anything" she says before i end the call.

tears continue to stream down my face as i finally pull up to the hospitals parking lot.

i just stare at the hospital doors, contemplating if i want to go inside.

i cant see her like that, i know she needs me though.

i take a long breath before remembering i had harpers phone.

i type in the familiar password i've seen her do multiple times which was 4566556 or 'ilomilo' which was this song she loved that she actually has been helping me work on for my album. she gave me the idea to write about it as we played the game many times together. she even helped me come up with some of the lyrics one night.

i don't know why i took her phone, or was looking in it, it just felt like the only part of her i had right now.

it didn't deserve to be in anyone else's hands but mine.

i open her snapchat and take a picture of my crying face before writing:

here's me, crying like a little bitch in my car, as i stare at the hospital doors contemplating weather or not i should go in. well obviously i should go in, i just can't see you hurt. so now i'm stalling by leaving this cheesy ass message in your snapchat memories for you to see once your back in my arms. i love you. so much. more than you can imagine harper.

i cringe reading over the snapchat before saving it to her memories, swiping up to look at the other many saved goofy ass videos we have taken.

but the first video i see was her and kaitlyn.

it's them driving, listening to some frank song before kaitlyn kisses her on the cheek, than the lips, both with the biggest grin on their faces.

what the actual fuck?

i felt as if i just ran a marathon. i couldn't breathe once again. it wasn't like when i heard about the accident though, it was a different kind of breathless. one i felt before when i thought she was cheating. except this time i had actual proof.

i felt so weak, like my muscles just turned into jelly. i was to weak to get up, but i knew i had to.

i wasn't crying, i just felt numb. i couldn't feel anything except my lungs that felt like had no air getting to them.

after about five minutes of trying to calm myself down, and catching my breathe i never even lost in the first place, i grabbed harpers phone quickly deleting the message i left and taking a new one.

i loved you so much. i don't know what i did, was i not enough? was it something i did? why didn't you just breakup with me instead of letting me find out this way, while your laying in a hospital bed. thanks for the memories i guess. it was fun. i love you and i still do. i'll miss you. i'll never forget about you. i'm sorry i wasn't enough. hopefully kaitlyn will fulfill the needs that i couldn't give you.

i saved the new snapchat memory before taking one last long deep breath and heading in towards the hospital.

"hey, i'm here to see harper" i say to the young looking girl sitting at the front desk.

"i'm going to need a last name maam" the girl says looking up to meet my eyes.

they instantly lit up, she recognized me, but she obviously could tell something was wrong as she didn't say a word.

"right sorry uh" i begin before i'm cut off.

"she's in room 224" she says.

"thank you" i say forcing a fake smile.

i continue to walk down the hallways filled with the gross hospital smell and the endless beeping of machines before finally finding harpers room.

i stand outside the door, before faintly knocking to be greeted by what i'm pretty sure was harpers mom.

i could tell she had been crying, as well as her dad and brother who were also in the room.

"hello" i say softly as she moves out of the way to let me enter.

i glance at the seats to see kaitlyn was also here. wrapped in a blanket with eyes that were filled with tiredness.

"is, is she okay?" i ask walking up to harpers bed.

"yeah, she fractured a bone in her foot and a concussion but the doctors said she will be okay. she's sleeping right now from the heavy pain meds." her dad says walking up next to me and placing his hand on my back.

"that's good to hear" i say admiring her face for what's probably the last time.

"i just wanted to give this to you" i say grabbing harpers phone out of my hoodie pocket and handing it to her dad.

he nods before stepping away giving me a moment with harper.

"i love you forever" i say lowly into harpers ear, squeezing her hand and placing a kiss on her forehead.

i quickly wipe the tear that was on my cheek before turning around towards the door, giving everyone in the room a lifeless smile.

i walk quickly out of the hospital, grabbing my phone out of my pocket and blocking harper on every social media.

"drew?" i say into the phone as she picks up quickly.

"this better be good billie. it's 4:30 am" she says tiredly.

"pack your bags. we are going to hawaii"

++
a/n

9k reads🥺