Miya's Diary

#1. 150514

I'm not so sure how to say this.. But this was that day I was happiest right? Although I didn't really realize it, thinking back maybe it really was.

I know I'm writing this a bit later but I wanted to start this diary, just to maybe tell you what I really thought of things.

Maybe then, you would have understood.

Maybe you wouldn't hate me.

However, is it really necessary I write here what happened? I really think it wouldn't matter.

I'm not sure what I'd take from this, but I'll try anyway.

I remember so vividly how this day went. I used to really hate you back then.

I was very clueless, and naive.

You showed me that, thank you very much.

It's been hard since you were gone.

I wonder how you're doing in your end. Every once in a while, I get the feeling you're okay.

However, sometimes I selfishly feel worse whenever I think of that.

It's just, I feel sorry for myself for missing you so much when all you do is live your life so fully.

How could you have left me to feel this way? It feels very unfair. I really despise you but I just can't seem to wrap my head around what had really happened.

For a first entry, I thought this should be all positive but I ended up writing it like this.

I guess there's no use erasing it now.

After all, I did promise myself I will be totally honest in writing this journal.

I was happy with you.

You meant everything to me.

If I didn't prove that, time for me did. Thanks to your small parting gift I can never look at anyone the same way I looked at you.

I have changed, I don't know if completely or partially. Good? Bad? You can debate both.

But it won't matter. You're not here to see that. Which makes whatever I do feel so useless.

I promised myself I'd get over you. But time flies fast and feelings are becoming harder to face.

Your memory haunts me, within that special place in my heart. I wish it didn't exist but it's really there, untouched.

I truly believed in what we were. It's hard to admit that it was only true then. What's even harder to take in is that whatever people say I can never let it go.